|
Raw Report: The Rock Unplugged
By
NICK TYLWALK -- SLAM! Wrestling
>> Wrestling
|
  
|
With respect to Yogi Berra, it really is deja vu all over again. It
>> almost seems like it's 2001 again, what with Stone Cold and The Rock on a
>> collision course along the road to WrestleMania, Limp Bizkit getting set to
>> perform and Slam! Wrestling covering all the action. This new but
>> strangely familar era gets underway tonight with wrestling and a Rock
>> Concert. It's Raw, live from Sacramento, California.
>>
>>
The show kicks off on a patriotic note as Lillian Garcia belts out the
>> U.S. national anthem. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you your American Idol
>> 2! Ah well, a guy can dream, can't he? Thunderous "USA" chants erupt from
>> the crowd.
>>
>>
>>
Breaking glass signals the arrival of Stone Cold Steve Austin. It turns
>> out that a match is scheduled and the Rattlesnake is not supposed to be out
>> there, but he doesn't much care. Instead, Austin takes us through a
>> history lesson from last week, when The Rock gave him a Stunner and a Rock
>> Bottom. He doesn't want to leave until The Rock comes out and sings him a
>> song, but as I said before, there is a match scheduled, a fact reinforced
>> when Test's music hits.
>>
>>
Match 1 - Test vs. Lance Storm
>>
>>
>>
Accompanied by Stacy, Test tries something that's proved futile every
>> time it's been tried in the past: he tries to reason with Austin. He gets
>> a Stunner for his trouble, and Storm runs down to try to take advantage to
>> get a quick pin. Imagine his surprise when it's Austin who makes the two
>> count, then gives him the finger and a Stunner of his own. Match over,
>> Autin style.
>>
>>
Eric Bischoff makes his entrance, and he's not alone. About a dozen of
>> Sacramento's finest flank him as he reveals that he's got a restraining
>> order stating that Austin must leave the arena or face mandatory
>> arrest. Austin slowly leaves the ring and makes his way up the ramp,
>> seemingly considering attacking Bischoff anyway before sensibly headed for
>> the back. With that matter settled for now, Bischoff looks forward to
>> tonight's Rock Concert. Speaking of The Rock, he just happens to be tuning
>> his guitar in the back as Austin and the cops pass by. And wouldn't you
>> know it, he just can't help but tease Stone Cold with a little prison
>> ditty.
>>
>>
>>
This Miller Lite catfight girl at WrestleMania thing is dumb. No, it's
>> stupid. Dumb! Stupid! (Sounds of scuffling at the computer
>> keyboard...)
>>
>>
Match 2 - Trish Stratus and Jeff Hardy vs. Victoria and Steven
>> Richards
>>
>>
Hardy gets the upper hand early and forces Richards to tag out, and
>> Victoria is unable to goad Jeff into attacking her. Victoria hits Trish
>> with a spinning side slam for two; Stratus responds with her handstand move
>> in the corner. The end comes shortly after when Trish springboards off
>> Richards on the ropes right into the Stratusfaction for the pin. The
>> victorious faces look like they might celebrate the win with a kiss on the
>> ramp, but Jazz pops out to put an end to that, even getting in a shot at
>> Victoria in the process.
>>
>>
Bischoff's bragging on his cell phone is interrupted by
>> Coach. Apparently security has an emergency and is asking for the general
>> manager. This couldn't have anything to do with that Austin character,
>> eh? Meanwhile, Goldust is checking out Torrie Wilson's Playboy spread when
>> Booker T walks in. The Bizarre One tells his buddy how proud he is that
>> he'll be challenging Triple H at WrestleMania. Unfortunately, it takes
>> about five minutes because of Goldie's tedious Tourette's gimmick. Let's
>> just put a stop to this. Please.
>>
>>
It turns out Stone Cold hasn't gone anywhere, choosing to bide his time
>> in his truck outside the arena. Bischoff persuades Coach to go outside and
>> tell Austin to leave, threatening his job if he doesn't. When you put it
>> that way...
>>
>>
Match 3 - Scott Steiner vs. Christian
>>
>>
Big Poppa Pump leads off with an elbowdrop and some push-ups, then
>> presses Christian overhead several times before dropping him. Both men
>> exchange near falls before Christian guillotines Steiner on the top rope
>> and goes up top. Steiner follows him up and delivers a second rope Samoan
>> drop, covering to get the three count. In case you didn't know it, BPP
>> wants you to know that he's your hook up.
>>
>>
Outside, Coach delivers Bischoff's message to Stone Cold. and he'll be
>> leaving now if it's alright with you.
>>
>>
Chief Morley promises Terri a big announcement and here it is: because
>> of William Regal's illness, the WWE has suddenly remembered the
>> oft-forgotten rule that titles must be defended at least once every 30
>> days. Regal and Storm are stripped of the tag belts, but Morley gives them
>> to Storm and himself. What about a title shot at WrestleMania? That's
>> what Rob Van Dam and Kane want to know, with RVD going so far as to
>> question Morley's testicular fortitude when he declines. It's Kane that
>> actually comes up with the perfect solution, as he and his partner will
>> take on the Dudley Boyz in a No. 1 Contenders Match tonight.
>>
>>
Match 4 - Triple H and Ric Flair vs. Goldust and Booker T
>>
>>
>>
Goldie pairs off against Flair, then the two world title combatants work
>> against each other. Flair tags back in when the momentum swings against
>> the heels, leading to a huge exchange of chops. The Nature Boy turns to
>> his bag of tricks and takes advantage of Booker on the outside as we head
>> to a commercial break. And we're back! We find Booker in the throes of
>> the Figure Four, which he quickly turns against Flair. Chops are exchanged
>> before Goldust tags in and proceeds to clean house. Triple H takes him to
>> the floor and makes him taste the steps; Flair follows with a low blow and
>> a choke. The heels get a couple of quick two counts as Goldust makes it to
>> safety, but the ref doesn't see the tag. The second time's the charm as
>> Booker gets in and launches a flurry of kicks. Everyone hits the floor
>> then spills back into the ring, and a couple of reversals later, Booker
>> drops a scissor kick on Helmsley and heads to WrestleMania with momentum.
>>
>>
Obviously not pleased about his loss (or maybe just upset that he
>> actually did a job), Triple H blows off Flair's pep talk. Back in the
>> ring, we get a long segment that sees Chris Jericho and Shawn Michaels face
>> to face. Jericho remembers how much he wanted to be like HBK when he was
>> younger, producing video and pictures to prove his point. But that's over
>> now, as Jericho is concentrating on being the first Jericho instead of the
>> next Michaels, and he can't wait to prove his superiority at
>> WrestleMania. Michaels gets smacked in the face for not looking at Jericho
>> but quickly responds with a hard slap of his own. Both men smile as they
>> stare each other down.
>>
>>
The Rock has a great idea, which worries Bischoff since the last two
>> "great ideas" hatched by the Hollywood heel ended with the GM on the wrong
>> side of a beating. No such worries tonight, though. The Rock simply wants
>> Bischoff to put speakers outside the arena so Austin doesn't miss out on
>> The Rock Concert. Bischoff smiles weakly and reluctantly consents. A
>> rundown of the entire 'Mania card leads into another word from our
>> sponsors.
>>
>>
Match 5 - RVD and Kane vs. Dudley Boyz - No. 1 Contenders Match
>>
>>
All four men brawl before the match settles into Kane versus
>> Bubba. D-Von gets Rolling Thunder from Van Dam, but responds with a pretty
>> nice move of his own when he yanks RVD off the top rope for a jumping
>> neckbreaker. RVD powers out of the cover, hits his step-over kick and
>> makes a tag. Kane hits a backdrop and a slam for a near fall, then goes up
>> top but misses his jumping lariat. The Dudleyz flapjack Kane before RVD
>> counterattacks; Bubba hits a hiptoss into a brainbuster and Van Dam nails a
>> jumping kick. Morley gets on the apron to distract the ref, a plan that
>> backfires when Storm hits D-Von with a kick. The other heels are knocked
>> to the outside, leading to a chokeslam and Five Star Frog Splash and a face
>> victory.
>>
>>
Speakers are indeed set up for Austin's listening pleasure. That causes
>> the Rattlesnake to get out his cell and place a call to someone.
>>
>>
Finally, it's time for An Evening with The Rock. The crowd turns from
>> boos to cheers as Rocky claims the best part of visiting Sacramento will be
>> leaving. Naturally, he kicks off his set with his stunning ode to the
>> Lakers' superiority over the Kings, "Leaving Sacramento." He then whips
>> into two songs for Austin, interpolating Elvis on "Ain't Nothing but a
>> Redneck" and Willie Nelson on "Whip Your Ass Again." And what Rock
>> playlist would be complete without that tribute to the Chairman of the
>> Board? Of course, I'm talking about "Rock's Way." Look for the mp3's to
>> be available on the internet right after the show.
>>
>>
Any thoughts of an encore are interrupted as an ambulance rushes into
>> the arena with Austin's truck right behind. Police come down the ramp to
>> assist the movie star, but it's not Austin at the wheel: it's The
>> Hurricane. Laughing, The Rock instructs the cops to arrest the
>> "Hamburgler." Just as things start to settle down, Austin emerges from
>> under a tarp in the back of his truck and the fight is on. Rock takes a
>> beating then takes a powder, but he drops his precious Willie Nelson-signed
>> guitar during the melee. Stone Cold tries unsuccessfully to lure his foe
>> back to the ring, then satisfies himself by smashing the guitar with his
>> size 13 boot. Yes folks, the road to WrestleMania 19 is paved with guitar
>> splinters this year.
>>
>>
But wait, there's more. Bonus coverage from this past week's Smackdown
>> show what many of us here in the U.S. missed due to coverage of the
>> conflict in Iraq. And frankly, it wasn't much. Vince McMahon ambushed
>> Hulk Hogan at their contract signing with repeated chair shots, busting
>> open the Hulkster and forcing The Immortal to sign the contract with his
>> own blood. Brock Lesnar fell victim to a similar ambush by the Brothers
>> Angle. Really, the faces need to get a seminar together to teach their own
>> to prevent this sort of thing.
>>
>>
Since this is my only forum in which to do so, I'd like to take this
>> opportunity to wish safety to all U.S. troops in Iraq. I hope all
>> Americans, regardless of their feelings on the conflict, keep you in their
>> thoughts and prayers during the coming weeks. And that's as serious as
>> I'll ever get. Be sure to catch the debut of new Slam! Wrestling Smackdown
>> reporter Dale Plummer this Friday, then all the WrestleMania goodies
>> leading up to the big day. I'll be back in seven days with the 'Mania
>> fallout and... Goldberg? See you then, and oh yeah - we're back!
