Top 10 tacky sports awards

Phil Mickelson (R) of the U.S. is helped into the green jacket by last years champion, Angel...

Phil Mickelson (R) of the U.S. is helped into the green jacket by last years champion, Angel Cabrera of Argentina, after winning the 2010 Masters golf tournament at the Augusta National Golf Club in Augusta, Georgia, April 11, 2010. (REUTERS/Hans Deryk)

Gary Loewen, QMI Agency

, Last Updated: 12:38 PM ET

Top 10 tacky sports awards

10. Masters Green Jacket

Funny how an elite golf tournament that prides itself on its beautiful landscape and blooming azaleas could present its winner with a green jacket that appears to have been plucked off the shelves of a 1970s-era Walmart, and best paired with white shoes and a white belt. No wonder Masters champs don't complain about having to return the chartreuse threads to Augusta for safekeeping. For all you fashionistas, Augusta's annual polyester parade starts Thursday.

9. The Milk Can

The winner of an annual college football game between the Fresno State Bulldogs and Boise State Broncos gets a shiny, silver trophy, just like the Stanley Cup. Except this trophy is squat and unattractive. I'll give the Milk Can a mark of 2%. That's not "boo" you're hearing, that's "moo-o-o-o!"

8. The Milk Cow

Unlike the folks in Fresno and Boise, the Swiss have a sense of humour. Sure, they could have given national hero Roger Federer a milk can, but instead they served him up the whole cow -- to the tennis player's udder delight. The 800-kg beast was a welcome-home award for Federer in honour of him winning Wimbledon in 2003. They also gave him a milking stool, which he promised to use. He has the stroke for it.

7. The Plaid Jacket

The Plaid Jacket isn't nearly as coveted as its Masters counterpart but it's no less tacky. Awarded annually to the winner of the PGA Tour event in Hilton Head, S.C., this garment might have been plucked straight out of Don Cherry's closet. Davis Love III has won five of them -- that's enough red plaid to upholster his entire living room.

6. The Yellow Jersey

The Tour de France has become a tainted race in which the leading cyclist gets to wear the Yellow Jersey. Questions: When there is a change in leaders, do they wash the shirt? And is it just me, or does the yellowness serve as a reminder of the inevitable urine test at the end of the day?

5. Paris Open Trophy

The Paris tennis trophies change every year or two. Tell me when they give out a nice one. This year, Angelique Kerber was handed a slab of bathroom-wall tile, with the outline of a tennis racquet cut out of it by a jigsaw.

4. The Tiger Trophy

Gee whiz, golfers get a lot of kitschy stuff. This bauble, awarded at Tiger Woods' Chevron World Challenge, has a replica of a tiger -- the animal, not the golfer -- with its left front paw on a golf ball/globe. The tiger looks rather placid, which has to be a mistake. It ought to be scowling or cursing or spitting, like the host.

3. The Crushed Beer Can

The staggeringly popular Summer Redneck Games were instituted in Georgia as a down-home response to the 1996 Olympics. Events include a variation on horseshoes, in which competitors hurl toilet seats at targets. As beer is involved, other forms of hurling also may take place. Instead of a gold medal, the winner of each event gets a crushed beer can mounted on a plaque.

2. National Guard Trophy

This is a ticklish one. The trophy is a third-place award for a U.S. Army National Guard combative tournament. It features two shirtless grapplers in bronze. One is on his knees with his upper torso between the legs of the other fellow, who is on his back and using his hands to press the first guy's head into his ah, abdomen. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

1. The Larry O'Brien Trophy

From some angles, the NBA championship trophy resembles a round garbage can with the lid open. The two-foot-tall trophy was named after Larry O'Brien, league commissioner from 1975 through 1983. The NHL could learn from this. Perhaps a certain NHL commissioner could have a major trophy renamed for him, too. The Stanley Cup could become the Gary Bettman Trophy. Of course, it would have to be shorter.


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