Everyone seems to think Roger Federer needs a coach and who am I to argue?
The media was asking him about it the other day in the leadup to the Tennis Masters Series at York University.
Federer, being Swiss, is awfully polite. He answers the way a 25-year-old woman answers a nosy aunt who notices no jewelry on the little dear's ring finger. Yes, yes, anytime now.
"I'm definitely thinking," he said, "you know, who would fit with my personality and my needs."
The world can't abide a happy single person or a tennis player operating without a coach.
Marat Safin has Denis Golovanov. Andre Agassi has Darren Cahill. Brazilian Gustavo Kuerten has had the same coach, Larri Passos, since the age of 13.
Other than being a Russian hockey wife, being a tennis coach is the greatest job in sports.
There is no general manager. No owner talks about satisfying the stakeholders with your scalp.
No one fries your keister on open-line radio shows. You can bet if Agassi looks his 34 years today and loses in the second round, you will not hear this on all-sports radio in Vegas:
"Yes, we'll go to Dwayne at Caesars."
"Howyadoin. Look, Agassi has to get rid of Cahill. He doesn't understand Andre's forehand, his practices suck. He can't communicate with older players."
WILKENS MISSED CALLING
In tennis it's against the rules to communicate with the athlete in the course of the athletic event. Yo, Lenny Wilkens, you're in the wrong sport.
You know where they list coaches in the ATP player bios? Right at the end of the personal column, a few paragraphs back from "Favorite Flavor of Ice Cream."
For this, the coach gets a basic salary of several hundred thousand and a share, somewhere around 10% of the kitty in the majors, not to mention free travel and eats. Kuerten gave his guy a Mercedes a few years back.
The take for first place in the Toronto tournament alone is $410,000 US. Let's see, 10%, then expenses ...
Anyone want to coach Roger Federer? Anyone want to groom Smarty Jones?
"He's got every shot imaginable," John McEnroe was saying recently.
"He might be the smoothest, most talented player I've ever laid eyes on."
Roger Federer needs a coach like Hugh Hefner needs another blond.
Federer went into play last night with a 51-4 record and seven tournament wins, including little meets held in Melbourne, Australia and Wimbeldon, England.
Last night, his match with Hicham Arazi was stopped by rain with Federer up a set. Arazi better not be banking on the Marriott points because he's on his way home when the skies clear.
Federer is in a bit of a spot.The more he wins, and the last player to win this big in the first six months of the season was Ivan Lendl, 15 years ago, the more everyone tells him he needs a coach.
Right now, Roger Federer is a supermodel at a frat party. Just wave the index finger, baby.
He's a nice guy, a better guy than Pete Sampras, with a better backhand as well.
"I can't just tell a player, listen, I want your coach," he said.
In the end, it's a guy thing.
Only a married guy would look at a single guy, a guy whose life was so chock full of thrills that the married guy insists on full disclosure (including the part about the twins), only a married guy would go home thinking to himself, "Gee, he really needs to settle down and find a girl."
Roger Federer needs a coach. Poor guy. Unless he gets one, he might just win forever.
