All I want for Christmas

SUN MEDIA

, Last Updated: 7:50 AM ET

From us to you, the Sun's wish list for the holidays. All I want for Christmas is:

- a no-trade clause ... with an opt-out.

- to root around under the cushions in CC Sabathia's chesterfield. Gotta be a spare $100G in there.

- a bobblehead doll that bears even a tiny resemblance to the athlete it is supposed to be depicting.

- to be Brian Burke's real estate agent.

- for every pro athlete making in excess of $1 million to have a food bank donation clause.

- a rotten tomato to throw at A.J. Burnett in his first game back in Toronto.

- a job for everybody in these tough times. Yes, that includes you, Mats Sundin.

- one of Sam Mitchell's suits.

- for someone to explain why the Raptors are going to be on a TV channel for much of the second half of the season that 80% of Torontonians don't get.

- to have the foresight to know that the TSX would drop as fast as Sean Avery's value with the Dallas Stars.

- for Jamario Moon and Anthony Parker to realize that they won't get killed by taking the ball to the hoop.

- an MLS team that doesn't need a surveyor's map to find the back of the net.

- a get well card for the Argos, not to mention a head coach with a clue.

- for the Leafs to come up with a realistic slogan. Instead of "The Passion That Unites Us All," and "Spirit Is Everything" how about "End This Mediocrity Now."

- for Tomas Kaberle and Jose Calderon to start shooting.

- for a player who checks an opponent from behind into the boards to be suspended for longer than a guy who insults his ex-girlfriend.

- for there to be no such thing as a hangover.

- for the NHL to realize that one win should be worth more than two losses in overtime.

- for the Raptors to get a backup point guard not named Solomon or Ukic.

- for Ryan Hollweg to win a fight.

- to have Chuck Swirsky back. Sorry Matt Devlin.

- a return call from Shania Twain, we're tired of playing hard to get.

- less poker on TV.

- a pension that doesn't lose 40% of its worth.

- for the NHL to stop the propaganda about attendance being improved.

- for Gary Bettman to finally understand his league's future rests in this country and to stop spewing that unbelievable nonsense about how every NHL market -- yes we're talking about you Atlanta, Tampa, Miami -- is on solid ground. It's just not true.

- for the electric car to finally get here. And make it affordable.

- tickets to Sean Avery's first game in the ECHL.

- one more shutout for Curtis Joseph.

- an economic stimulus package that actually benefits the average taxpayer.

- another NHL team in Ontario.

- fewer Montreal Canadiens in the all-star game.

- ninth place in the East for the Leafs.

- Chinese Democracy ... oh, wait.

- for the NFL to have a 52-week season. Love that fantasy football.

- if I'm Brian Burke, to furrow my brow and tell the world what's on in my mind.

- for Alex Rios to stop day dreaming during baseball games. Wake up and realize some of your potential.

- for the Blue Jays to finally end the charade and end the J.P. Ricciardi era.

- for politicians to start working in the interests of their constituents and not their own or their party's. Just one politician would be nice.

- an end to this GTA Pan Am Games bid nonsense. It makes little sense in a good economic climate. It makes no sense right now.

- more thoughtful athletes like Jermaine O'Neal and fewer like Sean Avery.

- reality TV to realize it no longer is anyone's reality and die a quick death.

- 24 blissful hours when not one media person utters or writes the words "Maple" and "Leaf" for a minute -- heck, we'll settle for 10 seconds.

- for the 2009 Blue Jays to be like the 2008 Rays.

- for Barry Bonds and Roger Clemens to man-up and admit their wrongdoings.

- access to Professor Peabody's WABAC Machine for a trip back to 1970. Any game Bobby Orr played will do.

- to lock Dion Phaneuf in a room with Sean Avery and, you know, see what happens.

- for Carlo Colaicovo, a voodoo doll of Ron Wilson and a pin in the butt.

- for HD PVRs to become more affordable.

- is a crying towel for J.P. Ricciardi.

- for Blue Jays fans to realize just how special a pitcher Roy Halladay is.

- for NFL team in Toronto that's not the Buffalo Bills.


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