Meet Mats, Mr. Stash-Casha

GARY LOEWEN

, Last Updated: 7:34 AM ET

Hard on the heels of the Cincinnati Bengals' Chad Ocho Cinco (nee Johnson), the fashion and makeup model formerly known as Beyonce -- oh, she sings, too? -- has a fresh persona.

Beyonce will go by the name of Sasha Fierce on her next recording. The new moniker will showcase her more aggressive side, reflective of her live performances.

Brilliant, Beyonce! Some NHL players also should adopt names that more closely describe the way they play the game.

Such as:

Trasha Fierce: The Dallas Stars' foul-tongued Sean Avery.

Slasha Fierce: Chris Simon, who got a 25-game suspension for whacking Ryan Hollweg. We now know why.

Smasha Fierce: Georges Laraque, reigning NHL heavyweight champ, now the official smashmouth of the Montreal Canadiens.

Back-Crasha Fierce: Hollweg, suspended twice already this year for hits from behind.

Stash-Casha Fierce: Mats Sundin, dithering over his hockey future with $20 million on the table. You get the sense that if Sundin were to win the Lotto 6/49, he'd take months to decide whether it was worth his time to go to the lottery office to pick up his cheque.

ARRESTED DEVELOPMENTS

Kansas City Chiefs running back Larry Johnson is a real sweetheart. He has been charged with simple assault for spitting his drink in a woman's face. The woman, 24, said Johnson threatened to kill her boyfriend before spitting his drink at her.

Johnson has been accused of assaulting a woman on four different occasions.

Pittsburgh Steelers wide receiver Santonio Holmes was charged with marijuana possession last Thursday, which led to his benching in a game Sunday.

What was Santonio smokin'? Police say they found marijuana-filled cigars in his car. Overkill, no?

Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger summed it up: "Obviously, you miss Santonio and what he brings." Does he bring them to the huddle?

Meanwhile, Ricky Williams has an alibi. He was in Miami.

MONSTERS INC.

Coming to Hamilton for Halloween: The Lake Erie Monsters, a second-year AHL team based in Cleveland.

The Monsters will be in Toronto on Halloween Boxing Day (Saturday) to play the Marlies at the Ricoh Petrocelli Coliseum.

The Monsters are not to be confused with the Lowell Lock Monsters, an AHL team that was based in Lowell, Mass., 1998-2006.

Those Monsters have been renamed, but retain their Halloween feel, as the Devils.


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