Field of far-away dreams

BILL LANKHOF -- Toronto Sun

, Last Updated: 9:38 AM ET

The Argos will build their new stadium at York University.

Not to suggest the York site is a bit off the beaten path but if Michael Bishop misses his receivers the way he has the past couple games, they'll be retrieving the overthrows out of Kevin Costner's corn field.

RAIDING THE FOSSIL BED

The Red Sox found Berge Avadanian, who was born in 1918 -- the last time the team won the World Series -- to throw out the first pitch in their Game 5 win over the Yankees.

Unfortunately for the Bosox, Berge can't work on less than three days nap time.

FIREBALLER

A Cuban man has just been struck by lightning for the fifth time in 22 years. Jorge Marquez says he is cursed and that lightning follows him, reports Terra Noticias Populares.

Marquez, a farm worker, said the first time he was struck in 1982 he had his hair burnt and his fillings all flew out of his teeth.

Now, whenever it starts to rain, he finds a piece of rubber to hang onto, noting: "I don't trust my luck anymore. I don't want to go through it a sixth time!"

This guy may want to check his ancestry -- you know, to see if he's related to any Red Sox fans.

THE CHANGE OF LIFE

Lee Ramage of Burlington won the 2004 Rock, Paper, Scissors world championship in Toronto on the weekend. It was in all the papers.

See what Gary Bettman and Bob Goodenow have made us do. Hope they're happy!

Next week on the sports calendar:

Full-contact origami and great moments in dodgeball.

Or, Don Chevrier's great Canadian spelling bee. Be still, my heart. Maybe a CBC documentary on the women's national embroidery championships, live from Auntie Em's parlour in Buffalo Drop, Alta. Host Ron MacLean with guest needler, Don Cherry.

Armageddon is upon us. Without hockey, Canada is nothing more than a snowbank that got lost on the way to Buffalo.

Now, hand me those scissors, there's just enough time to impale myself before the next Masterpiece Theatre.

WAKEUP CALL

Toronto, with second place in the CFL East on the line, plays host to Hamilton tomorrow.

In the past few games, the Argos offence has had all the allure of the south end of a northbound skunk.

Toronto's attendance may be troublesome but it's no excuse for the players to start showing up disguised as spectators.

PAPER TIGERS

"About the only thing Redskins quarterback Mark Brunell and his Bears counterpart Jonathan Quinn did not overthrow Sunday at Soldier Field was an unstable third-world government." -- Elliot Harris, Chicago Sun Times, on an afternoon in which the aerial attack consisted of 16 for 44 and 160 yards.

Michael Ventre, on MSNBC, writes: "Jason Kidd wants to be traded, but the Nets are finding it difficult to accommodate him. Apparently he only wants to go to a team where he hasn't gotten a coach fired yet."

WIENER WATCH

Tommy Lee, drummer for Motley Crue, marched with the University of Nebraska band at halftime on Saturday as part of an NBC reality show. Lee also had the chance to shoot Der Viener Schlinger, an air cannon that fires hot dogs into the stands.

"It's awesome, dude," Lee exclaimed after his first shot. "You can launch a wiener."

Hmmm.

And, here you thought Pamela Anderson had already done that.

SMART 'N' SASSY

Bob Dean, in Edmonton to be honoured with his 1954 Grey Cup champion teammates, hasn't forgotten the reception he received the day he joined the Eskimos.

"I was in the shower and I was really impressed when veteran Frank Morris came in and stood beside me and was talking football with me, a rookie. It took me a couple of minutes before I realized he was urinating on my leg."

HEY FANS! Do you have a quirky sports item? Include your name and city and e-mail it to me at: bill.lankhof@tor.sunpub.com or fax it to: 416-947-2454

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