Mon, September 23, 2013

Lolo Jones: No sex please

By STEVE BUFFERY, QMI AGENCY


U.S. hurdler Lolo Jones arrives at the 2011 ESPY Awards in Los Angeles, California. (REUTERS)


Why can’t a gorgeous Canadian Olympic athlete come out and admit she’s a virgin? We are so boring compared to the Americans.

American hurdler Lolo Jones told HBO’s Real Sports that she’s a virgin. She’s gorgeous, famous, talented, almost 30 and a virgin.

That’s big news — especially with the London Olympics less than three months away.

And what’s the big news up here? This is the lead headline on the Canadian Olympic Committee website: “Athletes showcase sport to Prince.”

And believe me, that sounds better than it really is. It’s not the Prince who sings and dances.

The American sports guys got an incredible babe admitting that she’s a virgin and saying that she’s saving her virginity for her future husband “as a gift”, and the big story in Canadian Olympic sport is some aristocrat trying to figure out how to use a bow and arrow.

I mean, talk about unfair.

“But please understand, this journey has been hard,” Jones told Real Sports. “If there’s virgins out there, I just want to let them know, it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. Harder than training for the Olympics, harder than graduating from college, has been to stay a virgin before marriage.”

Yes, it’s all very hard. Very, very hard.

You know what’s inevitable? Jones and the NFL golden boy Tim Tebow will hook up and they’ll have their own TV reality show. Sort of like Keeping Up with the Kardashians. In this case, the show will be called something like, Figuring It Out with the Tebows.

I can just see it. When Tim and Lolo get married, they’ll tell their guests that they don’t need any gifts, though a manual would be nice.

Anyway, Jones went on to tell Real Sports that she’s been tempted.

“I’ve had guys tell me, they’re like, ‘Hey, you know if you have sex, it will help you run faster.’” She joked that her response has been, “If you marry me, then yeah.”

And then she says it’s the guys who run fast ... in the opposite direction.

But you’ve got to hand it to Jones. For some reason, she made this revelation just months before the Olympics, with the whole world, and possibly the American TV networks, starting to focus on the Games.

The timing is strange and wonderful all at the same time.

There’s talk that she’ll make big money out of the announcement.

But, of course, she didn’t reveal to the entire world that she’s a virgin just to make money. She wants to make all the other gorgeous 30-year-old virgins feel good about themselves.

Oh yeah, she Tweeted this news before going on Real Sports.

Which answers the question: Yes the entire world is going insane.