After two weeks of analysis and diagnosis, the experts have determined the problem with Sean Avery.
He has an upper-bawdy injury.
Heck, that was obvious by his bawdy language.
It seems that Jason Blake has been doing research during his quiet time (usually when the Maple Leafs are playing).
In a shootout against the New Jersey Devils, Blake performed a nifty sideways pirouette before tucking the puck past goalie Scott Clemmensen.
Nathan Gerbe of Boston College pulled the identical move last March on a penalty shot.
And before then, Toller Cranston performed it.
Talk about positive spins, NHL commissioner Gary Bettman points out how the NHL is thriving these days ... nothing wrong with global finances is there?
"Our product is vital, it's vibrant," enthused Bettman, sounding like he stole the line from a thumbs-up movie ad.
Bettman, speaking in Edmonton, also pushed for an infusion of public money toward a new arena for the Oilers.
"It is imperative that the Oilers have a new building, and the plans for a downtown building I think are vital not just for the future of this franchise but for the city.
"It can become an economic engine. It can attract tourists."
Oh, sure ... "Gee, Martha, I miss seeing the tundra, let's go for a vacation to Edmonton."
The economic climate is ideal, isn't it, to sink taxpayers' money into a plaything for millionaires?
Perhaps the unemployed auto workers from the East could help out with construction.
They could grab some federal funding and take a convoy of old Chevy Celebrities on the road to Alberta.
The NHL may be vital and vibrant, but seats are vacant in some centres.
The Columbus Blue Jackets have a layaway plan for hockey fans who are struggling financially.
Pay $10 for 15 weeks and get two tickets for three games in the new year.
It sounds like a good plan.
It also sounds like tickets are a bargain.
Maple Leaf Sort of Expensive Ltd. is considering a similar plan: Pay $10 for 15 weeks and it will cover your beer costs for three games.
Talk about skipping the overcooked liver and going straight to the dessert -- that medical marvel Peter Forsberg is talking about yet another comeback with the Colorado Avalanche, but only for the playoffs.
Forsberg, usually on crutches this time of year, actually could come back sooner ... but Denver's surgeons are all booked till the spring.