Dumb, dumber and Domi

MIKE BELL -- Calgary Sun

, Last Updated: 12:19 PM ET

The idiot box just got a whole lot more idioter-er-er. Yes, this week the world of cable sports welcomed Tie Domi into its fraternity of well-dressed saying nothings, as the former stick-wielding goon finally called it quits on a career that had been, in the last couple of years, reduced to bench cozy and cheerleader.

An ugly, ugly cheerleader.

No doubt TSN saw in Domi the opportunity to compete with Sportsnet's resident knuckledragger Nick Kypreos.

But other than direct competition, looking back on Tie's career it's hard to find anything that would justify TSN throwing him into their lineup -- other than a built-in audience of Leafs fans who would pay-per-view a public urinal cam if there was the remote chance Mats Sundin might drop trou and relieve himself.

On the ice he was known for losing his mind not using it -- most notably a vicious backwoods-stupid elbow on New Jersey Devil Scott Niedermayer in the dying seconds of a 2001 playoff game, what could have been Domi's best game in the NHL.

To his credit, he now admits it was the dumbest thing he did in his career, although at the time, in interviews, he cried, made a number of excuses and then besmirched the name of Devils captain Scott Stevens -- one of the game's top-five defensive defensemen ever, a future Hall of Famer and a man who did something Domi never did -- win.

Of course, if those were Domi's biggest crimes, TSN could be excused for signing the pug up but his actions and statements during the lockout were particularly stupid -- especially in regard to TSN's Pierre McGuire.

After the analyst and former coach was quoted as saying if there was a secret vote 70% of the players would be willing to accept a cap, Domi went on Toronto radio and delivered a few cheap shots at the integrity of McGuire, a man with an astute hockey mind, as opposed to a peanut planted beneath six layers of cranial concrete.

Then again, Tie was ultimately proven right -- it wasn't 70% who voted to accept the cap, it was more like 86%.

That's the kind of bang-on analysis TSN is buying.

Ah well, I guess the only positive to come out of this is the Toronto Maple Leafs will finally, finally have a vocal booster in television broadcasting.

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Ah, team golf. From the matchup of Dangerfield and Chase vs. Knight and that guy who played Dr. Beeper to the two-against-one matchup of Tin Cup and Cheech vs. Crockett (or was he Tubbs?), there's something more satisfying about having a team to cheer for. And against.

And when it comes to team golf, the biennial Ryder Cup can't be beat -- the history, the passion, the uniforms, the wives, the wives in uniforms, etc.

Above all else, it combines two marvelous European pastimes in one -- golfing and America-bashing. If they could fit headbutting and chronic alcoholism into the competition -- say a shot a hole -- then we'd have something to please everyone in the old world.

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On the subject of great combinations, no matter what happens this weekend, we've finally answered one important question: How do you knock Tiger off his game?

First you need to challenge him as Sergio Garcia did -- or didn't do -- by questioning -- or not -- Woods' record in the Ryder Cup.

But if that's all you had, Garcia would have suffered an Ames yesterday, with Woods answering back with a merciless oncourse clubbing.

Instead, Garcia and teammate took Tiger and partner Jim Furyk to the Woods-shed, taking the pair for two important points.

How? Well, possibly it also had something to do with the other shot at Tiger's bow this week, a magazine printing topless photos, allegedly, of his missus.

So, the next time Phil Mickelson and Tiger are set to meet in the final pairing on a Sunday, expect Hefty the night before to predict a win and then, prior to teeing off on the first hole, lean over to Woods and mutter: "Hey, Tiger, do you have any naked pictures of your wife? No? Would you like to buy some?"

Heckle of the week: "Eeenie-meenie, minie-moe/Catch a Tiger by the toe/If he's winning let him know/That you think his wife's a ho-le in one!"


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