Worth 20 times more than PM?

CHRIS STEVENSON, SUN MEDIA

, Last Updated: 8:43 AM ET

As you might imagine, most Senators fans took the revelation Senators winger Dany Heatley wants a trade out of here as a slap in the face.

Some were bitter.

Some wondered about how their kids, who considered Heatley their favourite player, would take the news.

Some said, good riddance.

And then there was Osgoode's Glen Driedger, who e-mailed his brilliant take on the situation, attacking it with a real-world, human resources case study approach. It was titled "OTTAWA SENATORS GRADUATE SCHOOL OF BUSINESS -- CASE STUDY: NO. 15 -- THE DISGRUNTLED TEAM MEMBER."

He deserves the floor.

He wrote, in part:

"DANY: Mr. Murray, as my boss's boss, even though we have a long-term contract, I want to you let me go and work for someone else.

BRYAN: Why?

DANY: My boss wants me to work harder on my defensive game and I wasn't given input in hiring him as head coach.

BRYAN: But you have a no-trade clause.

DANY: That's OK. We can change that part of the contract.

BRYAN: Where do you want to work?

DANY: I want to work for a direct competitor in the same industry, using my skills to beat the Senators every chance I get.

BRYAN: Is there anything else you want me to do?

DANY: Yes, by the way, I want you to find me the other job.

BRYAN: So you want our team to drop everything and contact potential employers, arrange meetings, negotiate a starting date, and hire a replacement for you on our team?

DANY: That's about it. I'm a hockey player, not a personnel manager.

BRYAN: What are you willing to give up to have your contract changed and have all this done?

DANY: I won't give up anything. I want the same salary, a long-term no-trade contract and all the same bonuses.

BRYAN: Now that we've advised the media that you want to leave, do you think that other teams want to provide such a generous compensation and benefits package to a team member who is now a self-proclaimed malcontent ?

DANY: Why not ? After all, I'm a pure goal scorer. I won't have to work on my defensive game with another team.

BRYAN: Your performance review says, and I quote: Dany is 6-foot-3, 220 pounds and hits like a girl. As for scoring, your goals dropped from 50 to 41 to 39 and assists from 55 to 41 to 33 in the last three years. Are you sure you're worth all that money?

DANY: As I told the media at the end of the season, I've had a pretty good year, even though the team didn't do very well.

BRYAN: So, you're telling me that your numbers have gone down because of the new coach and other team members and other teams will be willing to pay your salary for a 72-point-a year-winger?

DANY: That's right. I think I'm worth 20 times what the Prime Minister of Canada makes because he hasn't got a great one-timer slapshot and it doesn't matter if he gets along with his boss -- she's in England and doesn't interfere with local team operations. And his numbers haven't improved over the last three years either.

BRYAN: His defensive numbers have improved, and with a minority government, that's hard to do. Your defensive numbers are going south. Last season you were a plus-33 and this year, minus-11.

DANY: Those are just numbers. I'm a team leader and I wear an "A" to prove it.

BRYAN: In summary, in addition to being unhappy with the coach, you're responsible for some team leadership; you want to lead them to another team; you had a pretty good year even though the team didn't do very well; and your numbers have gone to the crapper offensively and defensively. Well, based on these factors, I think we can work something out. I'll get in touch with our Human Resources Department right away."

Well done, Glen.

You showed a nice touch hitting the disconnect between the real world and the privileged one professional athletes inhabit.

Unfortunately, we know how the end game works here because we've seen it so many times. Heatley is going to get what he wants.

Maybe the Senators do, too, and that's a chance to go in another direction.

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TALE OF THE TAPE

Dany Heatley

Age: 28

Size: 6-foot-3, 221 lbs.

Born: Freiburg, Germany

Nationality: Canadian/German

Known for: Asking to be traded from two NHL teams

Notable: Team Canada's all-time-leading goal and point scorer ... four-time NHL all-star ... Calder Trophy winner in 2001-02 ... two-time 50-goal scorer

Years as NHL player: 7

Contract: Five more years at $7.5-million salary cap hit

Record last year: 36-34-12 with Senators

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Cory Clouston

Age: 39

Size: We're guessing 5-foot-8, 150 lbs.

Born: Viking, Alta.

Nationality: Canadian

Known for: Being hard-nosed disciplinarian

Notable: Resembles The Terminator from T2: Judgment Day (Robert Patrick)

Years as NHL coach: 1 (34 games)

Contract: Two years at about $500,000 per year

Record last year: 19-11-4 after joining Senators


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