J.R. puts pen to pad

ERIC FRANCIS -- Calgary Sun

, Last Updated: 8:35 AM ET

A few days after L.A. Kings hothead Jeremy Roenick admitted he's got a soft side that sees him write poetry, some of his most recent work was leaked to the Calgary Sun.

Demonstrating metrosexuality unseen since Alexandre Daigle wore a nurse's outfit, J.R. waxes eloquently about some of the most important issues in hockey today:

Roses are red,

Obstruction is dead,

Pucks often hit my head,

And the fans can kiss my ass.

Visnovsky and Zidlicky,

Are names I find tricky,

Peanut butter is sticky,

And the fans can kiss my ass.

Summers off are sweet,

I like to eat meat,

The Kings are the team to beat,

And the fans can kiss my ass.

The Senators look great,

Shootouts go late,

Hullie couldn't carry his weight,

And the fans can kiss my ass.

Fighting is down,

The commish is a clown,

Not everything rhymes,

And the fans can kiss my ass.

Shootouts are a ball,

Chara is tall,

Who is Eric Staal?

And the fans can kiss my ass.

I surf when I can,

I've got a great tan,

But Sidney's the man,

And the fans can kiss my ass.

Luc Robitaille's old,

The Wild will soon fold,

Craig Conroy is gold,

And the fans can kiss my ass.

I'm lying by the pool,

Chicks think I'm cool,

Sean Avery's a fool,

And the fans can kiss my ass.

Denis Gauthier is mean,

He caused a big scene,

It was all so obscene,

And the fans can kiss my ass.

Todd Bertuzzi is scary,

Used to play like Dirty Harry,

Now he's like the Virgin Mary,

And the fans can kiss my ass.

I like 'My NHL,'

The old one was hell,

The farmer in the dell,

And the fans can kiss my ass.

Poetry makes me smile,

So did the Red Mile,

Flashing is my style,

And the fans can kiss my ass.

L.A. is nifty,

I once scored 50,

Demitra is shifty,

And the fans can kiss my ass.

The Penguins are hurtin',

I'll never stop blurtin',

And one thing's for certain:

The fans can kiss my ass.


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