Florida is likely where your aunt or high school biology teacher headed to spend their twilight years.
And when the new NHL came into existence, that's also where the dump-and-chase went to retire. It's staying at Jacques Martin's house -- a.k.a. the BankAtlantic Center.
It's hard to keep tabs on the old coach, especially when everyone has been caught up with the new-look Sens and a Centre Ice package that's busting at the seams with offensive goodness.
On paper, Jacques seemed to be doing well in the new system -- the Panthers had three wins and a loss going into a home game against the Bruins last week. The power play was questionable, but a win's a win, right?
Not really.
The Panthers were defeated for the second time on Thursday, but the manner in which they lost (and played in general) was very familiar to Senators fans.
Hands up: Who likes watching a transitional game after Oct. 5, 2005? Who liked watching it at all?
Yeah, that's what I thought.
During the Martin era in Ottawa, paying to watch boring play was always validated by a love of the Senators and their respective success. And love will make you do some pretty crazy things when you're biased.
When those rose-coloured glasses come off and you watch a team headed by Martin with no invested interest, you want to gouge your eyes out with a spoon.
In spite of the new rules and a different team, Martin is still up to his old tricks. And it's enough to bore a Panthers fan to tears.
Do you know what Martin's idea of evolution is? Developing new ways to get the puck down the ice for a line change. We still have the centre ice tip-in from the days of yore, but have added a blue-line high lob into the mix. Fascinating.
The entire team appears to be initiating a dump-and-chase revival. The Panthers perimeter game is a carbon copy of what Sens fans experienced for more than eight years -- the team lives on the boards.
Meanwhile in Ottawa, Bryan Murray has been handling the ice the same way a child might treat a piece of bread -- bypass the edges and devour the middle.
Patience and cautious play is evident in Florida, even when playing from behind. Minimize the mistakes with zero risk, and hope for the win. Martin's team isn't as skilled as his previous club, but how often did he roll the dice with Ottawa? He makes Murray seem positively reckless ... and wonderful.
Martin Havlat on a penalty kill? Chris Neil on the power play? Jacques would never do that. We've all said it -- at least a dozen times so far.
It would be idiotic to count the Panthers out. Roberto Luongo alone is a bandwagon worth hopping onto. And Martin, in spite of his unwillingness to adapt, is still a highly gifted coach who has landed in a weak division.
Offence reigns in the new NHL, but defence will be the difference. Few do it better than Martin. We'll see which system prevails in the Ottawa-Florida game this Saturday.
SEEING RED: What's going on in Calgary? Their penalty kill remains in the basement, and Miikka Kiprusoff has appeared surprisingly unsound in the early season. He was pulled during last Sunday's game in Detroit after letting in five goals on 36 shots, and was hammered for another seven against the Avalanche on the following Monday. Adding to their misery is the lack of production from Jarome Iginla, who has been adversely affected by the loss of former set-up man Craig Conroy. The Daymond Langkow experiment seems to be failing, with Marcus Nilson already replacing him on the top line. This isn't the way Flames fans wanted to be seeing red.
GET YOUR TICKETS: Minnesota Vikings coach Mike Tice was scheduled to be on the alleged sex cruise during the team's bye week, but scalped his boarding pass moments beforehand.
CHERRY BOMBS: Admit it -- you missed hearing Don Cherry butchering the names of NHL players. Notables thus far include "Pokahosky" (Alexei Ponikarovsky) and "Anne Dropoff" (Nik Antropov).
HOT SHOTS: Denver Nuggets C Marcus Camby thinks the NBA should allot players a stipend for clothes that are deemed appropriate under the proposed dress code. Remember, NBA players make a lot of money, but they spend a lot of money ... apparently on velour, or in Latrell Sprewell's case, his family.
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