One constant of covering the National Hockey League is never having to kill a Saturday night in winter. If you're not watching the Maple Leafs, home or road, any free Saturdays are spent viewing Hockey Night on CBC for homework or family bonding purposes. Supposedly, there's a smorgasbord of great TV shows running parallel to the national past time, but really, who among puckheads would ever fiddle with the remote to find them?

That will change tonight, with the HNIC theme muted and Ron MacLean introducing an animated movie instead of the animated Don Cherry. There won't be Bob, Dick and Harry, or Mats and Tie and forget the funny beer ads, unless you want the hockey re-runs that all-sports networks will play during the lockout.

So, armed with the Toronto Sun's excellent TV guide, we'll sit in the captain's armchair, set phaser to surf, and boldly go where no hockey fan has gone before ... at least on Saturday night.

7 P.M.

CBC is showing Dinosaur, but apparently it's about big computer generated lizards running wild, and not a Bill Wirtz biography.

Here's something promising. Over on WNED public TV (say, did we ever mail that pledge for the 'free' Fawlty Towers mug?), they're airing Darling Buds Of May. A salute to the 1967 Leafs? Or a flower show?

CNN's Capital Gang must be some kind of Olaf Kolzig talk show and who knew Steve Thomas's wife is named Sue and she works for the F.B.I?.

Spike TV's movie is For A Few Dollars More, but after months of enduring mind-numbing CBA financial faddle, the title is a turn-off although we do like the thought of Bettman and Goodenow staring down each other in a dusty Mexican town with some Ennio Morricone theme music.

7:30 P.M.

How about the Golf Channel where the New York Rangers are sure to be teeing it up already?

On Jeopardy? Long-time champion Ken Jennings should work his way around to beating Grant Jennings any day now.

8:00 P.M.

A hockey game only gets three stars, but the Sun gives four to the Oscar winning film Marty. Okay, he's a great goaltender, but give the Devils' defence some credit, too. By the way, we would've cast Russell Crowe ahead of Ernest Borgnine.

If you're desperate to see a Toronto team in blue, or you're just plain sadistic, Rogers Cable repeats the Waterloo -- U of T football game.

8:30 P.M.

Talk TV's Live it Up covers mushroom farming, drag racing, a pioneer kitchen and baking bread.

Locked out NHLers will no doubt be taking notes for their next vocation.

9 P.M.

Hopefully, it's The Simpsons episode where the Devil puts Homer on trial -- and summons the starting lineup of the 1974-75 Flyers on a jury of world's worst offenders. We'll also check Antique Hunter on Prime, watching for Pat Quinn and John Ferguson poking around for free agents.

9:30 P.M.

CBC Newsworld features One on One with Peter Mansbridge. Having taken on Bettman and Goodenow last month, perhaps Mansbridge will lose the fancy suit, lace 'em up and do hamburger drills in the corner with Ed Jovanovski.

10 P.M.

Desperate Housewives, on ABC, certainly sounds titillating. But those pretenders haven't seen hockey wives driven to the brink by two consecutive months of playoffs.

That leaves Iron Chef on the Food Network. What are the chances Iron Mike Keenan will be in Kitchen Stadium, watching for the red light to go off so he can pull the roast?

Well, we made it to past 10 p.m. Now it's bedtime or pray the lockout ends before the Calgary-Detroit double-header starts.