Kudos for 67's Killer

DON BRENNAN, BRUCE GARRIOCH, TIM BAINES AND CHRIS STEVENSON

, Last Updated: 11:32 AM ET

DON BRENNAN: Okay, but I'm playing hurt, unlike some Kubas we know. There's a good reason why I don't not drink. We just landed in Pittsburgh and I was taking the final step off the Senators charter when I missed, and went over on my ankle. Nice trip, see ya next fall. If I hadn't been working, I woulda been drinking. And if I woulda been drinking, that wouldn't have happened.

TIM BAINES: Since Chris pulled off such a brilliant impersonation of me in this space a couple of weeks ago, he can be Bruce today.

BRUCE GARRIOCH (AS INTERPRETED BY CHRIS STEVENSON): Can we get this started? I'm trying to paint the kitchen, renovate my bathroom and put a new roof on my house.

BRENNAN: Does Bruce really do all that stuff? I can't see it. Not at all.

BAINES: You'd bloody well better believe Bruce does that stuff. And he does laundry and dishes ... he cleans the toilets ... he knocks the dust bunnies out of the corners ... he makes his bed every morning. And he brushes his teeth at least three times a day. Doesn't every man?

GARRIOCH (AS INTERPRETED BY STEVENSON): Publisher Gibbons, whom I think is doing a magnificent job, likes us to stick to the topic.

BRENNAN: Do you know what Killer's other nickname is, Tim? Gig. After some comic strip character, I believe. You're a grandpa too, Tim. And we all know your love of comics and cartoons and other such silliness. Do you remember a Gig from your olden days?

BAINES: Nah, I'm old, but Killer's still got a couple of years on me. He sure doesn't act like it, though. Geez, I wish I had his energy and patience.

BRENNAN: I would not be surprised if he has quite a few more games to coach. I can't see the Kilrea story (behind the bench chapters) end in anything other than some sort of magical playoff run.

STEVENSON: Brian Kilrea's best line (that's printable): "Donovan, I don't know if you're playing right wing for us or left wing for them." It doesn't get better than that. Especially because they're unrehearsed.

BAINES: Does Killer still hold court after home games? You could just sit in there, not say a word and marvel at the stories. He's such a legend, a local treasure, but I still think we take him for granted. He'll be missed behind the bench.

STEVENSON: Did you say "hold quart?"

BRENNAN: He stays around until it's time to go. It's time to go whenever it is the time he told his dog he'd be home. He has me believing the dog is sitting on the floor staring at the clock on the wall.

STEVENSON: I met Casey the dog today. Barked when it was time for me to leave.

BAINES: Yeah, I bet the dog barks twice at last call, if there ever is such a thing as last call at the house.

BRENNAN: Killer doesn't like to lose, eh Chris? Remember the golf game we had at Rideauview last summer with him and Bert? Killer was pretty proud of himself, how he got in my kitchen and rattled my pots and pans on the 10th tee.

STEVENSON: He tossed a ball at you on the 10th tee as you were about to swing and you folded like your brown suit.

BAINES: Don, I know you'll be at the game on Sunday. I'm sure Killer would appreciate it if you wore that brown suit of yours he's taken such a fancy to. Maybe you could present it to him as a coaching farewell gift. Of course, with that belly hanging over your belt, I'm sure the suit will be way too big for Killer.

BRENNAN: Ottawa's lucky he stayed around to coach the 67's all those years. But I woulda kind have liked to see what would have happened had all those rumours come true and Harold Ballard hired him to coach the Leafs. Guaranteed they wouldn't have been the mess they have been all these years.

STEVENSON: I hung out with Tiger Williams a bit in Afghanistan. We'd sit in the back of the bus and he'd tell stories. He loved Ballard. Said sometimes he'd fight and beat some heavyweight on a Saturday night at the Gardens and Monday morning a new TV would show up on his doorstep from Ballard.

BAINES: Lost in all of this is Bert's contribution. I know he would prefer to stay out of the spotlight, but his contribution has been huge, too. He'll be missed. To be honest, I don't know Killer or Bert real well ... but they're both genuine salt-of-the-earth guys. I figure if I suck up enough, maybe I'll get an invite to Killer's basement with the open bar.

GARRIOCH (AS INTERPRETED BY STEVENSON): It's about bloody time somebody mentioned Bert.

BAINES : Thanks for getting your hands out of the dishwater and weighing in, Bruce. Do you use Palmolive?

GARRIOCH (AS INTERPRETED BY STEVENSON): Soft hands and hard nails. Relax, I'm soaking in it.


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