This is getting old

PAUL FRIESEN, SUN MEDIA

, Last Updated: 9:41 AM ET

So Team Dysfunction made a couple of trades, dumping two receivers who hadn't bought into a lousy program and bringing in a fourth-string quarterback.

Excited yet, Blue Bomber fans?

In case you're scoring at home, Ricky Santos is pivot No. 9 in head coach Mike Kelly's stable of '09. Simply using the blind squirrel theory, at this rate the professor is eventually going to find a good one.

Never mind that the three he broke training camp with -- Stefan LeFors, Bryan Randall and Richie Williams -- have all been banished to the nut house, perhaps never to be seen in a CFL uniform again.

Randall was the latest to go, sent packing yesterday. Without a DVD of his '09 highlights, we presume.

The Bombers should have been packaged with a warning this season: Playing quarterback for this team could be harmful to your career.

"Our quarterbacks are Russell Stover chocolates right now -- you never know quite what you're going to get," Kelly, using his favourite one-liner these days, told reporters after Sunday's Monotony at McGill.

Little wonder the professor compares his quarterbacks to candies. His offence chews them up.

Santos, acquired from the Montreal Alouettes yesterday, probably believes he's coming here for a legitimate opportunity. He should give Michael Bishop a call. Perhaps it's not too late to cancel that plane ticket.

You see, other teams look at Kelly's offence and laugh.

We know this because we saw Als D-lineman Eric Wilson doing just that in a Sportsnet interview after the game.

"We know where they're going," an incredulous Wilson said of Winnipeg's play selection. "When they get into an alignment, we know what they're doing."

The predictability of Kelly's offence isn't lost on the people banging their heads against the wall, trying to run it, either.

Here's what Bishop told Sportsnet: "They knew exactly what we were doing. It's hard to battle when they know what you're doing every play."

They may as well be holding up play cards and announcing their plans.

Like LeFors and Randall and Williams before him, Bishop is simply a sacrificial pawn in Kelly's chess game from hell, and you wonder how long before he checks out.

He wouldn't be the first. Derick Armstrong, Kelly Bates. Barrin Simpson. You can officially add traded receivers Arjei Franklin and Romby Bryant to the list.

Yet, the professor, incredibly, stubbornly, continues to insist his locker-room is behind him.

"When I speak to the team, we understand each other," Kelly said. "Where my difficulties come is when people are standing in front of me and their arms are extended. This is where I've gotten myself in more trouble than I have back there."

Kelly was referring to the reporters holding the microphones and notebooks.

Give the guru credit for one thing: even he admits his offence is bordering on "ridiculousness." Seems the professor is no longer seeing progress in his students.

"No, to be quite honest with you," Kelly said. "I'm extremely frustrated, disappointed. Anything that any fan could say to you, I'd probably say the same thing."

Actually, coach, some fans are suggesting you take this job and shove off, back to Philadelphia.

"Me? Quit? I've never quit anything in my life," Kelly said. "And I'm not about to start now. That's not even in my makeup or in my mindset. If you knock me down, I'll bite your ankles."

OK, we know you're tough, coach.

But your team is getting awfully tough to watch.

And four of its next five are at home.

Excited yet, Bomber fans?

Contact Paul at paul.friesen@sunmedia.ca or 632-2788.


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