Anything goes in CFL
Fearless forecast crazy yet accurate
By PAUL FRIESEN -- Winnipeg Sun
If only we'd gone to Vegas.
Looking back at our annual CFL predictions columns, we're struck by a couple of things: the sheer idiocy of some of our ramblings, and the uncanny accuracy.
Get a load of these:
2001: We correctly predicted that beleaguered Blue Bomber boss Dave Ritchie would win the CFL's Coach-of-the-Year Award.
2002: We said the Eskimos would become just the second host team to play in the Grey Cup.
2003: Our crystal ball showed Toronto owner Sherwood Schwarz trying to hawk his watch in the SkyDome parking lot in an effort to meet payroll.
Now, this annual nod to Nostradamus is meant to be ridiculous, not realistic. An exercise in lunacy, not accuracy.
So either we don't have much of an imagination, or the CFL truly is the Crazy Football League, where anything goes.
With that, it's time for the fourth installment of Friesen's Forecast.
June 17: The Winnipeg Blue Bombers lose their season opener when a technical glitch allows Ottawa assistant coach Paul LaPolice to plug into the headset of Bomber quarterback Khari Jones. A confused Jones spends the day calling LaPolice's plays as if it were 2003 all over again.
June 20: After losing quarterbacks Nealon Greene and Rocky Butler to injury, Saskatchewan GM Roy Shivers puts in a call to Bomber GM Brendan Taman about the availability of Kevin Glenn. Taman transfers Shivers to his assistant, Argos boss Adam Rita.
July 1: Thousands of fans flock to stadiums across the country, only to find the CFL stopped playing Canada Day games but didn't bother to tell anybody. New prime minister Stephen Harper wonders what all the fuss is about, saying we should all just celebrate July 4, like the Americans do.
July 4: New Calgary boss Matt Dunigan looks longingly at the broadcast booth as his Stamps lose their third straight. Quarterback Kevin Feterik is spotted warming up in the owner's box during the fourth quarter.
July 30: Former 'Riders D-lineman Shonte Peoples signs with the Eskimos because, as Peoples puts it, "they're the only team that still plays on grass."
Aug. 15: The B.C. Lions are having trouble generating a pass rush, so they put in a call to D-lineman Ray Jacobs, who was last seen grinding a picture of Wally Buono into the floorboards of his car.
Aug. 21: The Stamps, in desperate need of a kicker, bring Mark McLoughlin out of retirement. A front office foul-up, though, installs McLoughlin as team president and forces former PR boss Ron Rooke to attempt field goals for a game.
Sept. 5: Concerned about Troy Westwood's safety, the Bombers leave their kicker at home for the Labour Day classic. Westwood, worried about his job, arranges to have punter Jon Ryan's Gatorade spiked with sleeping pills, but the plan backfires when head coach Dave Ritchie takes a sip and snoozes through the second half. Westwood is traded to Hamilton the next day.
Sept. 15: Eskimos president Hugh Campbell lures Ricky Ray back from the NFL with a $2 million-per-season contract, then assures everyone he's still under the $2.5 million salary cap.
Oct. 8: Westwood kicks a last-second field goal to beat his former team, then calls Bomber fans a bunch of "perogie-sucking ukuleles." The Bomber marketing department gets right to work on the Kolbassa Bowl.
Nov. 21: The Bombers complete a roller-coaster, 10-8 season by beating Montreal in the Grey Cup, and Ritchie becomes the first Cup-winning coach not to be offered a new contract. He resurfaces in Calgary, where the Stamps have been sold to a group led by Jarome Iginla.
Nov. 30: Ronnie Lancaster takes over as Bomber coach, and says his first order of business is to replace those darned head sets.
