Paul's crystal ball

PAUL FRIESEN -- Winnipeg Sun

, Last Updated: 8:16 AM ET

We could analyze the offences and defences of all nine teams, analyzing how they match up with each other.

We could pull out statistical comparisons, look at five-year trends and do extensive interviews with players, coaches and front-office types.

Or, we could do what we've always done, and simply have some fun.

Tough choice, eh?

With another CFL season opening tonight, it's time for the fifth annual installment of Friesen's Forecast, a set of football predictions you won't find anywhere else.

As always, these don't come with any kind of guarantee. Then again, we can't guarantee they won't happen, either.

After all, anything's possible in the CFL, maybe even...

JUNE 25: The Winnipeg Blue Bombers open with another win over Saskatchewan, thanks to four interceptions from 'Riders quarterback Nealon Greene. The same fan who dumped manure on kicker Paul McCallum's front lawn after last year's West Final leaves a live cow on Greene's yard, saving himself future trips.

JULY 1: CFL commissioner Tom Wright falls down while attempting the ceremonial kickoff in Ottawa. Wright blames it on a dizzy spell -- not the first time he's been unable to distinguish the ceiling from the floor.

JULY 6: Still with the salary cap, the Lions sign quarterback Casey Printers to a fat new contract. Asked how he justifies paying two quarterbacks nearly $1 million, B.C. owner David Braley says, "screw the cap, I just want to get to the Grey Cup." Management types in Winnipeg and Regina are seen jumping out of their office windows.

JULY 7: The first whispers of a quarterback controversy are heard as the Bombers drop to 1-2 with a home loss to Calgary. Head coach Jim Daley says Kevin Glenn remains his starter -- period.

JULY 25: Ottawa owner Bernie Glieberman puts a stop to his son Lonie's attempt to sign NFL castoff and repeat drug offender Onterrio Smith. Turns out Lonie had no interest in Smith as a running back -- he just wanted to use Smith's Whizzinator to pick up Renegades cheerleaders.

AUG. 2: After a loss in Toronto, Bomber boss Jim Daley says Tee Martin is the new starting quarterback -- no ifs, ands or buts.

AUG. 12: The 1-8 Renegades fire head coach Joe Paopao and replace him with 71-year-old Forrest Gregg, who promptly installs former NFL quarterback Brian Sipe to run his new, two-tight end offence. Everybody assumes Sipe is going to coach, until he shows up wearing a uniform in the Ottawa huddle.

SEPT. 1: His offence still struggling, Jim Daley debunks the idea of a quarterback controversy, at the same time announcing that Spergon Wynn is his new starter.

SEPT. 18: A hellish week for quarterbacks sees Henry Burris of Calgary, Montreal's Anthony Calvillo and Saskatchewan's Nealon Greene go down with injuries. All three teams insist they have confidence in their backups, and won't be going after free agent Khari Jones.

SEPT. 26: The Stamps, Alouettes and Roughriders, all coming off blowout losses, get into a bidding war for Jones, who signs with Montreal, where he's roommates with Ed Philion.

OCT. 11: After a rough loss to the Lions, Jim Daley says it's time to give the ball to rookie quarterback Russ Michna, the Winnipeg starter until further notice.

OCT. 23: The Stampeders see their playoff hopes end with a blowout loss to the 'Riders. In a related story, TSN analyst Matt Dunigan is rushed to hospital when he can't get the smile off his face.

NOV. 1: The Lions, behind Casey Printers, beat Montreal in the Grey Cup. But after the game, Tom Wright gets into a scuffle with B.C. owner David Braley, and winds up on the floor of B.C. Place, looking up at the ceiling... and not noticing a difference.


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