So this is how it's suppose to work: Upon carefully reviewing the tape of grown men on sidelines flapping their arms and scratching themselves, Alouettes coaches pass along their findings to veteran centre Bryan Chiu.

During a game, when the Als have possession of the ball and are in a huddle, Chiu watches the grown men then tell quarterback Anthony Calvillo what the defence is about to do.

Defensive co-ordinators like Ottawa's Gary Etcheverry admit they know what Chiu is doing. Some have even been known to flip him the bird. Yet that doesn't stop the Alouettes from trying to steal the signals.

"I would say that's the only reason we've ever won a game," Als coach Don Matthews spewed sarcastically yesterday, confirming he's been guilty of such dastardly methods at least since winning the Grey Cup in back to back years (1996-97) with Toronto.

"Without stealing signals, (ex-CFL star quarterback) Doug Flutie would have been a bunch of crap. He would have been just another little short guy running around. He'd probably be back in Boston now playing his drums."

Ridiculous? Yeah, about as ridiculous as sending someone to videotape opposition coaches in the first place, knowing how easy it is to change them. Or not admitting to it immediately, as it is not an illegal practise in the CFL. Or team presidents in Winnipeg and Ottawa complaining about the practice being "unethical".

Even Joe Paopao made light of the Als getting caught playing "You're On Candid Camera" at Frank Clair Stadium at least twice this season.

He said the Renegades tinkered with their signs every week, then chuckled about the possibility they might do something extra to confuse the Als tonight.

"Half the team may be signalling," said Paopao. "I may call my daughter, who took a course in sign language."

Etcheverry impersonated a third-base coach when asked how he might disguise messages to his players. Interestingly, Matthews says his friend Etch isn't even the guy who sends in signals to the Ottawa defence.

"I think it's highly overblown," Etcheverry said of Montreal's message intercepting. "If you're a base runner on second and you can share information (with the batter), you do it. Industrial espionage is about as common a thing there is.

"It's not illegal," he said of the coach taping. "If they made it illegal, then there would be repercussions. Personally, I think fans like winners, but the media and other coaches have a problem with winners."

Thus, the problems with Matthews and the way he sometimes goes about his business.

GOING VERY STRONG

At 65, he has won more than any coach in CFL history, and with a 9-1 team this season, he's still going strong. When he first started fielding questions about videotaping coaches yesterday, he was terse and serious.

"The preparation of my football team is considerable and thorough," Matthews said. "We will continue with the preparation as we always have."

He spoke of Mike Kelly, formerly with the Blue Bombers and now an "advance scout" in the NFL, and how Kelly makes no bones about the way it is his job to steal other team's signals.

"Naive, and that's a kind word for what I was thinking ... people are naive to think people don't prepare their football teams," Matthews said, a thinly veiled reference to CFL commish Tom Wright. "I really like the advertising we're getting, coming from Ottawa, that is making everybody concentrate on the wrong things. Please keep it up.

"If you're not breaking a rule, you do whatever you can to make your team better. I don't see anything wrong with advance scouting ... let's call it advance scouting. If you don't take every opportunity you can, you're cheating your team."

Matthews turned light and giddy with further questions about videotaping, then passed out a list of Top 10 cliches he and the Als media relations staff put together to prove The Don's way is at least the entertaining way.

"I'm not going to work forever," Matthews beamed later, suggesting his retirement is imminent before doing a reverse that had his audience believe he's not going anywhere soon.

"I take great pride in harassing people, and as long as I can have fun doing it ... and I've got a whole bunch of land in Kelowna I just bought. I have to pay it off."

Unless he can figure out another way to get it without breaking any rules.