The Last Word

BILL LANKHOF -- Toronto Sun

, Last Updated: 8:36 AM ET

The Argos play the Ticats in Hamilton tonight in the Frayed Cup Game.

Both teams have won just twice and are hurtling toward the same playoff spot like a pair of turtles in a three-legged race.

A sellout crowd is expected to show up. No word yet on whether the Argos' offence will do the same.

In other words, it's not a life and death situation.

It's more important than that.

PENNY WISE

Harry Sinden retired this week as president of the Boston Bruins.

His biggest accomplishment in Boston?

Let's just say that if Madonna's loving embrace was as difficult to get into as Sinden made owner Jeremy Jacobs' wallet, she'd be able to do more than just sing about being a virgin.

TRUTH IN ADVERTISING

The lights on a sign at the Rogers Centre have, much like its baseball team, suffered a power outage.

For several weeks now it has read OGERS CENTRE, which is just a couple of transposed letters away from telling you how troll-ugly things have been around there.

CLAP-TRAP

Toronto's Daniel Nestor is booed by a group of Canadian (and we use the term loosely) fans at his home-based tournament.

Something to do with Croatian zealots showing their dislike of him because he was born in Serbian Belgrade.

On the upside, Canadian Zoological Society officials believe they may have found evidence that the Coelacanth is not the only dinosaur-aged species still in existence.

A BIG HARRY FIT

Sinden never was much for sentiment and for years advocated taking the Bruins' retired jersey numbers and putting them back into play.

For instance, Lionel Hitchman had his jersey retired back in the mists of time.

Sinden decided he wanted to give it to Ray Bourque. So, as the tale goes, he phoned Hitchman's granddaughter to advise her of his intentions. She was not amused. The story got into the newspapers. Sinden ended up looking like the southern end of a northbound mule and Bourque ended up making No. 77 famous.

WORDSMITHS INC.

Dwight Perry, Seattle Times: "Next year's Lingerie Bowl will make history if 300-plus-pound Refrigerator Perry makes good on his vow to take part in one play -- in lingerie. The pay-per-view alone could gross millions."

MISSING THE MARK

Kicker Mike Vanderjagt, an Oakville native, has been a bit wayward on field goals in training camp.

Dallas Cowboys coach Bill Parcells teased him about being "below the Mendoza Line." Vanderjagt looked at him like he'd just taken a slapshot off the forehead. Apparently Vanderjagt isn't an afficionado of the great American pastime.

It's never a good sign when you've got to explain a joke. Maybe next time Parcells could make his point by just asking Mike if he's any relation to Scott Norwood.

Parcells went on to tell Vanderjagt that the Mendoza Line is a baseball term about hitting below .200. Etc. Etc. Parcells did not walk away muttering something about allowing blankety-blank, tuqueheads into the NFL. But he could have.

BITS 'N' BITES

Isiah Thomas denies sexual harassment charge. Bail set at $5 million US in the Maurice Clarettt gun case. A former NBA star accused of assault, rape. Justin Gatlin's coach probed on drug charges. Remember when sports built character instead of a police record ... The Canadian Thunderbirds are holding minor-baseball tryouts for 2007. Website (www.canadianthunderbirds.com) or contact via e-mail (thunderbirds @quickclic.net) or phone at (905-574-1175) ... "I don't want to say Harry Sinden was cheap," Toronto comedian Frenchie McFarlane says, "but he can make a Canadian nickel go so far that the poor beaver's paws get blisters."

SMART 'N' SASSY

"I could talk about all the fish we caught, but that would be a lie. We never caught anything. We mainly sat in the boat and caught sunburn." -- Donald Carson, recalling memories, at his father Harry's induction into the Football Hall of Fame.


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