Doh! We've been covering these clowns all wrong. We've been writing this season as a tragedy. It's a comedy!
It's been a side-splitting, knee-slapping, rib-tickling, gut-busting, laugh riot from the beginning. Why haven't I been able to see that? What a maroon!
It's that 34-year record of making the playoffs. That's been getting in our way of seeing this season for what it really is.
They're dethpicable! We're watching Looney Tunes!
We should be embracing them as adorable wascally wabbits. That's it. That's the ticket.
WABBITS AND DUCKS
Think of this as wabbit season, duck season, wabbit season ... they still haven't won two in a row all year.
Yesterday's loss to the Toronto Argos was just another brilliant episode of sheer comedic genius by our beloved blubber eaters, as the team (Esquimox back in the beginning) was called in a second reference back in less politically correct times.
I mean, thufferin' thuccotash, we all should have figured this out with that eight-man-up, zero coverage Milt Stegall 100-yard touchdown on the last play of the game here against Winnipeg to get all of this going.
Or the sequel of that cartoon when Danny Maciocia and Rick Campbell tried the same daffy defence again at the next opportunity out in B.C. to send them on their way to another loss.
Jason Johnson's fumble of the hold on a last play field goal attempt after head coach Danny Maciocia ran the clock down to prevent a do-over to steal defeat from the jaws of victory yet again was a one-off.
But yesterday they got back to producing another daffy do-over.
Two weeks ago we had Ricky Ray fumbling on the final drive to lose at home to the Hamilton Puddy Tats.
Less than two minutes remained when Ray had led the Eskimos into range to win it when Steve Josue punched the ball out. Ray wasn't protecting the ball.
Yesterday was the same thing with around the same time on the clock.
But this scene had an added twist: the Eskimos would have been in field-goal range to win it if Sean Fleming hadn't shanked a punt that resulted in a Toronto field goal and a five-point lead.
At least in the Hamilton game, Ray couldn't see Josue coming from behind. In this one, he fumbled on the Toronto 17 when Riall Johnson knocked it out of his hands.
It's too bad this one didn't come with the facial expressions of head coach Danny Maciocia as caught on camera on the night the Saskatchewan Roughriders came within an 11th lateral and just a few yards of coming back to beat the Eskimos when a rugby game broke out on the final play of the game.
The season highlight film should be entitled Football Follies.
And it's not over yet!
Oh, most of us have long since stuck the fork in them and declared them done, slathered the butter on and declared them toast and yet ... the show must go on.
On with the show this is it!
'THAT'S ALL FOLKS!'
Thanks to Flatland Follies and a Saskatchewan team trying to recreate 1996 - the year when Edmonton won only six, but made the playoffs because three of them were against the Riders - you can't put up the "That's All Folks" sign up yet.
The Roughriders lost another quarterback in Rocky Butler and had to play a hobbled Kerry Joseph in losing 35-8 to the Montreal Alouettes.
You couldn't help but watch that game and come to the conclusion that the Riders are not going to win another game.
If that's the case, all the Eskimos have to do is win two. OK, one of them is going to have to be against a team from the East and they're 0-6 in those memory makers.
But they can do it without winning two in a row all season if they beat the Argos here Saturday and win the final game of the regular season here against Saskatchewan.
Wouldn't that be hilarious?