Now starting at quarterback for your B.C. Lions, No. 81, Geroy Simon!
Actually, he'd probably have to wear a different number, but the Lions aren't too far away from having to use the league's top slotback as their quarterback.
No. 1 pivot Dave Dickenson is out with post-concussion syndrome, and No. 2 Buck Pierce left Saturday's game in Hamilton with an elbow contusion.
That left No. 3 Jarious Jackson to finish off the Ticats, and he tossed the first two touchdown passes of his CFL career.
If Jackson had gone down, however, Simon would have been the man. He has thrown two passes in his life, and both have gone for touchdowns.
"I have a pretty good record," Simon told the Vancouver Sun, "but sitting back there taking snaps and reading coverages, that's different. If I've gotta do it, though, I'll try."
The Lions, who are two points up on the Stampeders for first in the West and have a game in hand, can ill afford to have Simon tossing the rock.
Pierce is expected to be able to practice today, and the team plans to bring in former U.S. college quarterback Todd Mortensen ASAP as insurance.
Knowing the Lions and their tremendous knack for finding quarterback talent, expect Mortensen to be next year's Most Outstanding Player.
HE'S GONNA PUKE! Was there a more funny moment this CFL season than the look on Danny Maciocia's face on Saturday night at Mosaic Stadium?
The Roughriders did their best rugby routine on the final play of the game in an effort to score the winning touchdown, and Maciocia, already burned badly this season by Milt Stegall's 100-yard touchdown catch, could only watch. His look was a combination of horror, nausea and twitchiness.
"I'm saying to myself, 'This can't be happening to me,' " Maciocia told the Edmonton Sun.
Saskatchewan's Kenton Keith was finally brought down on the four-yard line, where he fumbled, and the Eskimos escaped with the win.
Maciocia was even complimentary towards the Roughies.
"They distributed (the ball across) the field -- it was awesome," he said.
LATE HITS: The Lions need to beat the Stampeders only once in their upcoming home-and-home and have the Roughriders lose one of their last four matches to clinch first place in the West ... Doctors found no damage to Ricky Williams' Achilles tendon yesterday, which means the running back will likely team up with John Avery in the Argos backfield Monday against the Eskimos ... The Lions released kick returner Aaron Lockett last week ...
Male Bomber fans don't like the Alouettes, but they'll definitely like Montreal's cheerleader calendar. It's available for $10 at montrealalouettes.com.