There are weeks, like this one, when you would rather live someplace else. The week Don Matthews, of all people, got Canadian citizenship. (Can't our immigration department get anything right?)
The week Don Cherry was listed among the top-10 Canadians in history and worse, Stompin' Tom Connors was No. 13.
The week Jay Triano got fired as national team basketball coach.
The week I want to relinquish my passport, if I only knew where to go. And please, keep all suggestions to yourself.
THIS AND THAT
This is what money couldn't buy George Steinbrenner: An Aaron Boone home run, a Luis Sojo base hit, a game-winner by Scott Brosius, a Jim Leyritz blast. None of them stars. All of them winning Yankees of the past ... The new poster boy for the overpaid, whining hockey player surprisingly is the normally level-headed Chris Pronger. Imagine grousing about the St. Louis Blues commitment when he has a $10-million US deal signed in a sport that's running out of money ... Wonder what J.P. Ricciardi was thinking when he watched championship baseball being played with actual strategy -- suicide squeeze bunts, sacrifice bunts, stolen bases, pinch runners -- parts of the game his number crunchers have no use for ... This is Wally Buono's 15th season as a CFL head coach and the ninth time he has finished first in the West. Can you say Hall of Fame?
HEAR AND THERE
My new hero: Whomever decided to take the Air Canada Centre parking spot away from Vince Carter's mom. Next, can we take mommy's floor seats away? ... The last time Boston played St. Louis in the World Series, the Cardinals had an historic outfield with Lou Brock in left, Curt Flood in centre and Roger Maris in right ... You know this isn't 1967 again when you see Bob Gibson's World Series numbers: 27 innings pitched, 26 strikeouts, three wins, three earned runs against ... It is chilling to hear even a meddling ex-NHL owner such as Richard Gordon say the minute he met Bob Goodenow he knew he had to sell his franchise ... If Jerry Rice doesn't put up any numbers in Seattle, he's going to look awfully petty for cornering Steve Largent into giving up his retired No. 80 .... The Raptors have two weeks to find another guard somewhere. Milt Palacio and Roger Mason Jr. can't get it done ... The Boston-St. Louis symmetry is startling. The Bruins won their first Stanley Cup against the Blues. The Patriots won their first Super Bowl against the Rams. Now, here are the Red Sox playing the Cards for the third time in the Series ... And for those still whining about the York University site for the new Argos Stadium, consider the location of these: Yankee Stadium, Dodger Stadium, Shea Stadium, Pro Player Park, Comiskey Park, Milwaukee County Stadium, The Ballpark in Arlington -- all of them housing 81 home games a year, none close to downtown in their cities.
SCENE AND HEARD
The only Kearse I believe in is Jevon ... Sure, Carmelo Anthony's pal just happened to leave some dope in his knapsack. Happens to most of us all the time ... Lookalikes: Johnny Damon, after the haircut, and Billy Ray Cyrus ... CFL quarterbacks I'd take over Danny McManus, who became the third passer to reach the 50,000 yard mark this week: Russ Jackson, Ron Lancaster, Doug Flutie, Warren Moon, Dieter Brock, Tom Clements, Matt Dunigan, Don Jonas, Bernie Faloney, Sam Etcheverry, Kenny Ploen, Tom Wilkinson and Jackie Parker, just to name a few ... Sunday question: Which pair was more dangerous -- Pinball Clemons and Rocket Ismail running back kicks for the Argos, or the current duo of Arland Bruce III and Bashir Levingston?
AND ANOTHER THING
That Larry Walker is Canadian to the core. He told the St. Louis Post-Dispatch yesterday that "I never thought about the World Series. I thought about the Stanley Cup growing up." ... Of all we saw of Woody Williams over the years, we thought nice guy, decent pitcher. Nobody ever said, "One day that guy's going to be the opening-game starter in the World Series." ... The more you hear about Rafael Araujo, the more you think he has been drafted by Ricciardi. The Raptors keep pushing back the target date on when their first-round draft pick will be ready to compete ... Just in case you were wondering, Cecil Fielder had the Yankees to win four straight ... The most dangerous every-down player in the CFL is Saskatchewan running back Kenton Keith ... When I grow up, I want to be Carlos Beltran's agent ... How do you fire Triano? How do you fire a guy who bleeds Canadian red, loved his job coaching our men's hoopsters and lived it? How do you do that and have any credibility left? ... And hey, whatever became of Oil Can Boyd?