 |
With Christmas Eve just seven days away, Mike Komisarek, Francois Beauchemin and Luke Schenn will play the roles of Santa's elves this afternoon, delivering a cache of toys, books and toys to a sea of smiling faces at the Hospital for Sick Children.
But what will the three Leafs and their Toronto teammates receive a week from now when the chubby fat dude in the sleigh stuffs himself down their respective chimneys?
Here's what this ink-stained wretch figures might be perfect gifts for those on and off the ice in the Leafs organization.
GM BRIAN BURKE: An Olympic gold medal for his U.S. team. Ya, right. As if we'd wish that for him. No way. A respectable second half from his Leafs is a more reasonable gift, especially if that means he doesn't have to answer any more of those @#$&@! questions about the Boston Bruins possibly getting the first overall pick next year as part of the Phil Kessel deal.
SENIOR VP DAVE NONIS: A well-deserved GM job in the NHL next season after being railroaded out of Vancouver in 2008.
COACH RON WILSON: Less horror flicks like the first 35 minutes against Phoenix last night, a gut-churning span in which the visitors built up a 5-1 lead.
G VESA TOSKALA: Fewer smelly goals allowed like yesterday against the Coyotes: fewer visits to the trainer's room.
G JONAS GUSTAVSSON: A healthy heart.
D MIKE KOMISAREK: Ear plugs for his next visit to Montreal.
D FRANCOIS BEAUCHEMIN: The captain's C ... if it doesn't go to Komisarek.
D IAN WHITE: A bit of respect for being the Leafs most consistent defenceman during the team's worst start in franchise history.
D LUKE SCHENN: Confidence. Funny how many of his so-called backers from a year ago suddenly have jumped off his bandwagon.
The kid's only 20 -- cut him some slack.
D JEFF FINGER: Like Komisarek, he needs earplugs ... in his case, so he doesn't have to hear people constantly bring up his hefty salary.
D GARNET EXELBY: A modelling gig to show off all those spiffy chapeaus he's always sporting.
D TOMAS KABERLE: A stick that MAKES him shoot when the opportunity is there! No passing allowed.
F PHIL KESSEL: More talent around him.
F JASON BLAKE: Improved aim. Consistently hitting the goalie in the chest doesn't win you a prize, let alone games.
F LEE STEMPNIAK: A little less of the Jekyll-and-Hyde routine. On some nights he's good; on others, you have to check the lineup sheet to see if he's dressed.
F NIKOLAI KULEMIN: A magnetic Leaf sked for his fridge to remind him there are 82 games in the season, not 41.
F JAMAL MAYERS: More highlight reel goals like the one he beat Ilya Bryzgalov with in the second period last night.
F MATT STAJAN: A DVD of his fine play of the past month. Another one showing some of his less inspired performances from earlier in the season. After watching both, copy the first one; burn the second.
F ALEXEI PONIKAROVSKY: He already received his present the moment Kessel became his linemate.
F COLTON ORR: A rematch with the Sens' Matt Carkner, who left the Leaf pugilist with a puffy eye and a (gasp) visor on his helmet.
These two will go again. Count on it.
F RICKARD WALLIN: A shirt that reads: "My first name is not Niclas -- he plays in Carolina!"
F NIKLAS HAGMAN: His wife is the former Miss Scandinavia. What more could he possibly need?
F MIKHAIL GRABOVSKI: Less nights where he looks like he's auditioning for Battle of the Blades.
F WAYNE PRIMEAU: A body that doesn't break down as much. The work ethic already is there.
F NAZEM KADRI (London Knights): A gold medal for Canada at the World juniors.
MIKE.ZEISBERGER@SUNMEDIA.CA