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Shea Hillenbrand was walking about the Blue Jays clubhouse the other day carrying a 24-pack of Spam.
You don't see that every day.
Moisturizer, you see a surprising amount of moisturizer in major-league clubhouses.
Cards, cribbage boards, bats, beverages, those things you see. But Spam ...
Nobody was in a hurry to find out about the Spam. The regular reporters have made the pilgrimage to Shea Hillenbrand before. "Don't mind the death stare," one says.
Shea Hillenbrand is not rude. I once saw Tom Barrasso say "not in your dreams," when a nervous young reporter asked him for an interview. Dave Stieb, by the way, remains the gold standard for difficult ballplayers, heck athletes of any kind. Hillenbrand is ready to interrupt his pre-game routine.
"So, Shea, what's with the Spam?"
"I was picking some up for someone."
Shea Hillenbrand is, in conversation, an excellent two-strike hitter. He fouls off most everything.
Now let me be clear on this. I have never considered Spam to be a contentious topic but from the stony silence that followed Hillenbrand's six-word answer, I thought it best to steer the conversation past the always incendiary topic of jellied meat and toward a safer subject.
Like home.
Hillenbrand lives in Arizona and was traded to the Jays over the winter.
He brought his own home, his trailer, to Toronto. His wife Jessica and six-month old son, Austin, remain in Arizona.
"It's a fifth wheel," he said.
"How big?"
"Thirty-five-feet."
"What's it got in it?"
"Everything I need."
"Why not live downtown in a condo?"
"Cause I didn't want to."
And so it goes. Shea Hillenbrand is just about the baseball. That was his reputation when he arrived here and that will be his eulogy whenever he leaves.
It turns out the short sentences are an acquired skill. Hillenbrand became famous for a quote attributed to him when he was dealt out of Boston.
"They don't know what they have with me," he was quoted as telling The Associated Press. "If they get rid of me, they'll know what they have. You've heard of Jeff Bagwell."
Bagwell, traded to Houston, became a superstar for the Astros and never played a game with his original team, the Red Sox.
Of Hillenbrand, Blue Jays manager, Smilin' John Gibbons, says: "You'll get a smile out of him every now and then," but he would have had more luck convincing me Josh Towers was going to win the Cy Young.
"He came to a new team. He's determined to make it good. He brings a good intensity which you need. He's been a good addition for us.
"You've got some guys who keep you loose," Gibbons said. "Other guys rev you up. Shea's been huge for us."
And he can swing a bat.
Hillenbrand has been the steadiest of all the Jays hitters and he spent the early part of his stay among the league leaders.
A slow six weeks has brought Hillenbrand down to to a .305 average and that's not bad. He has played third, first and filled in at DH. At $3.87 million a season, he has been a nice find.
"Shea, your wife and your son live in Arizona. How do you manage that?"
"It sucks. The lifestyle is not as glamorous as everybody thinks. My son is six months old."
"Can they visit you on the road or here?"
"We can do whatever we want. I don't go more than two weeks without seeing my family."
It's time to part and there is only time for one question.
"Shea, are you an old-school guy."
"I play the game the only way I know how," said Hillenbrand as he gets ready to go on to the field, "and I don't care at all what anybody thinks about me."