January 16, 2010
Creep Hall of FameFake Cub caught in scam
By GARY LOEWEN
Jeepers, creepers, former St. Louis Cardinals slugger Jack Clark has blasted Mark McGwire and his steroid-abusing ilk, saying they should be banned from baseball.
“All those guys are cheaters,” Clark told the St. Louis Post-Dispatch.
The whole thing is creepy. They’re all creeps.”
Alex Rodriguez, Rafael Palmeiro, Roger Clemens and Barry Bonds also are “fakes” and “phoneys,” Clark said.
As for McGwire, Clark is scheduled to cross paths with him this weekend at a Cardinals event.
“I’m not even going to say hello to him,” Clark said. “I’m not going to shake his hand.”
Hey, Clark wasn’t nicknamed “Jack the Ripper” for nothin’.
It seems more and more creeps have crept into the news like a snug pair of underwear.
Here’s an unofficial top-10 list:
10) Barry Bonds;
9) Roger Clemens;
8) Brian McNamee;
7) Alex Burrows;
6) Jon and Kate;
5) Mark McGwire;
4) Daniel Carcillo;
3) Gilbert Arenas;
2) Tiger Woods;
1) Tony LaRussa.
On the creep watch:
Sean Avery (temporary pardon for good behaviour);
Terrell Owens (in danger of becoming irrelevant);
Al Davis (the previous generation’s creep).
Another character who deserves honourable mention for jerk-dom is that spectator in Vancouver who shone a laser beam repeatedly during a Flames-Canucks game.
Arena authorities were unable to target the Laser Loser.
Let’s hope it’s not the same security force the Olympic organizers are using next month.
He’s no Elvis
I’m not a fan of calling people by a single pet name, especially in print. It’s a bit too familiar and a bit, ah, creepy: Ichiro, Madonna, Beyonce... no thanks.
So congrats to Toronto FC coach Predrag Radosavljevic being elected to the National Soccer Hall of Fame but don’t expect me to refer to him solely by his nickname.
Not being prickly, just not comfortable referring to a guy as “Preki.” That’s just Kaka.
We whisk you back to St. Louis, where Mark McGwire is getting set for his new duties as the Cardinals pitching coach.
McGwire isn’t as bulked up as he was during his performance-enhanced heyday when he was known as Big Mac. Not that he’s all of a sudden a small fry.
Bill McClellan of the Post-Dispatch has taken to calling McGwire “Medium Mac.”
A man with papers identifying himself as Chicago Cubs outfielder Tyler Colvin picked up a new Dodge truck at a dealership in Utah, promising to pay for it the next day. Not surprisingly, the non-baseball player eventually was caught stealing.