Tiger's rash move: Butt powder remedy?

GARY LOEWEN, SUN MEDIA

, Last Updated: 7:57 AM ET

While Tiger Woods has lost an endorsement deal or two, there is a new product out there that would be an ideal sponsorship match for the philanderer.

It is called Anti Monkey Butt Powder. We haven’t tested it in our labs but, the name aside, it does seem legit.

The company says the powder is for those involved in “butt-busting” activities. It is meant to treat the itching, soreness and redness after such affairs activities. The powder absorbs excess sweat and reduces “frictional skin irritation.”

Does that not capture Tiger’s antics to a T?

Cash dash

How much money will Elin Nordegren siphon out of the Bank of Tiger, should she decide to divorce the galling golfer?

A British bookmaker is taking bets. Odds are 1-2 that she’ll get between $100 million and $500 million. Higher or lower, the odds go up.

So, as a ball park figure, let’s say Elin gets a quarter of a billion.

That might be fair.

But here’s the big question: Would it be more, or less, than what Woods shells out in baubles, airline tickets and hush money to his ample harem?

How’s Trix?

Got a chuckle from a London Sun story yesterday saying Woods is wasting away his days watching cartoons and eating cereal.

That makes him a cereal eater and a serial dater.

Hmm, pass the Cocoa Puffs.

No bloomin’ way

PGA Tour commissioner Tim Finchem says the indefinite leave that Woods, his No. 1 player, is taking doesn’t spell “gloom and doom“ for golf.

C’mon, Timmer, maybe not both “gloom” and “doom” ... but certainly “gloom.”

Icy reception

With its Winter Classic outdoor game two weeks away, the NHL has been pounding the publicity drum.

The Boston Bruins will play the Philadelphia Flyers on New Year’s Day at Fenway Park. But the event is more than just hockey, it’s a gala instead of a game — in fact, a news release doesn’t even mention the teams involved.

Yesterday afternoon, a media briefing was held at Fenway, coupled with ... wait for it ... a “Zamboni photo opportunity.”

Says the news release: The Zambonis “will arrive at 1:30 p.m.”

Kind of like heralding the arrival of Santa Claus at your local mall.

Methinks that a lot of media people assigned to the Winter Classic probably will not be all that familiar with “ice hockey.”

Powerhouse Leafs

The Maple Leafs, supposedly suffering a shortage of top-six forwards, have assumed a spot among the top-scoring teams in the NHL.

The Leafs are tied for seventh, averaging 2.91 goals a game.

Last season, the Leafs were 10th, averaging 2.98 goals a game.

League scoring is down slightly overall, with the 30 teams averaging 2.77 goals, compared with 2.85 last season.

Only five teams — Washington, San Jose, Pittsburgh, Atlanta and Vancouver — were averaging better than three goals a game, entering last night, compared with nine last season.

gary.loewen@sunmedia.ca


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