For Elin, "Cheetah" has a ring to it

GARY LOEWEN, SUN MEDIA

, Last Updated: 8:36 AM ET

Tiger Woods is edging into Ben Johnson territory in the wake of public proposals that Eldrick become known as Cheetah.

Recall three years ago, former sprinter Johnson doing a television commercial for an energy drink, and saying: “I Cheetah all the time.”

So, which is the bigger washout: The guy who lost the gold medal or the one who may have lost the golden-haired girl?

Ring ... his neck?

Tiger Woods’ wife, Elin Nordegren, was spotted at an Orlando restaurant yesterday and reportedly said that the “kids are doing fine.”

However, Elin wasn’t wearing her wedding ring.

This is because:

a) She is pushing for a separation because of the golfer’s gaffes;

b) The ring hurts her fingers when she attempts an overhead swing with a 3-iron.

The poll vault

A Philly.com poll suggests that Phillies fans don’t see a big upside to having Roy Halladay instead of Cliff Lee. About 52% of readers favour Halladay.

A Daily Comedy poll says 43% of Americans view Tiger Woods unfavourably. The other 57% are still dating him.

An OK! magazine poll says that 69% of respondents say that if Tiger and Elin Nordegren stay together it would only harm the kids.

Well, sure, if allegations are true that the parents are teeing it up in the house and on the driveway.

Here’s my suggestion for a poll: Is Roy Halladay the kind of guy that Tiger Woods ought to have been?

a) yes;

b) no;

c) Humbug, I’m tired of both stories.

Colbert condemNation

Two things perplex sports departments across the nation: The popularity of Stephen Colbert; and whether to spell it “speed skating” or “speedskating.”

Now those two issues are on a collision course as the Vancouver Olympics approach.

Colbert is a late-night TV guy who bad-mouths Canadians (“syrup suckers”) and who has his own “Nation” like the Maple Leafs, but not nearly as successful.

Colbert has rallied his Nation to become the official primary sponsor of the U.S. speedskating team. (Americans spell it as one word, although it should be two, like figure skating.)

This week, Mr. Big Stuff is on the cover of Sports Illustrated dressed in speed skating garb accompanied by the headline “Stephen Colbert and his Nation Save the Olympics.”

Hmm, must have been a slow news week at Sports Ill.

Said one sports department wag: “In figure skating they name jumps after people. So, to settle the spelling debate over speed skating, and to honour this obviously extraordinary gentleman, why not rename the sport ‘Colbert?’ ”

As for Colbert Nation: May a berserk Canadian beaver slop maple syrup into their skate guards.

gary.loewen@sunmedia.ca


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