Let me count the ways Leafs stink

GARY LOEWEN, SUN MEDIA

, Last Updated: 9:19 AM ET

It's scandalous, isn't it, the Maple Leafs' 0-5-1 start?

The winless skid has generated countless complaints, condemnations and theories concerning what has gone wrong.

Here are the top-5 reasons heard, overheard or read this week regarding the Leafs:

5) Poor decision-making;

4) No confidence, swagger or leadership;

3) Coaches seem to be on vacation;

2) Players are trying to do too much;

1) Players are doing too little.

Here are five reasons yet to come:

5) Too much pressure on the Leafs to carry the city's sports hopes amid the failures of the Jays, Argos and TFC;

4) The players figured out what Brian Burke meant in asking for "pugnacity" and "belligerence" (witness all the foolish penalties), but when he mentioned "testosterone" they thought he was talking about a model of Ferrari.

3) The Leafs haven't been any good since Ryan Leaf turned out to be a bust.

2) Just a general lack of moxie;

1) Burkie's hotdogs not a suitable pre-game meal.

Allenby bogeys

Predictably, Robert Allenby has apologized for calling Anthony Kim a loose cannon.

Allenby suggested Kim pulled a Miguel Cabrera and got back to his hotel room at 4 a.m. Sunday, five hours before he had to play the Australian at the Presidents Cup.

(Never mind that Kim waxed Allenby 4 and 3.)

Speaking of loose cannons, Allenby himself might be considered a candidate.

In Australia, he has been described as "prickly" (yeah, that's with an "ly" attached).

Earlier this year he complained that Aussies weren't showing him enough respect, and threatening not to play competitive golf in his homeland again.

At the 2005 Canadian Open, Allenby moaned about the setup at Shaughnessy: "The front nine is just stupid. The rough is just ridiculous. I know it's a national title but it's not the U.S. Open."

He may be running out of countries to play in.

Skating madness

"Only in Canada would 1.562 million people watch a flock of former hockey players attempt to figure skate with a gaggle of semi-retired females from the sequined sport, with Don Cherry, in all his sartorial glory, as a judge," Sun Media columnist Terry Jones writes.

He's referring to Battle of the Blades, which is getting TV numbers comparable with Hockey Night in Canada.

Jones has been drawn to the competition to watch the brave female skaters, who are literally putting their necks on the line by partnering with some inexperienced men.

In particular, there is Christine Hough-Sweeney ("the poor girl") who has ended up with Tie Domi "who couldn't skate as a hockey player and went into Week 2 as the only one left in the event still wearing hockey skates."

And maybe she could take his old helmet and shoulder pads.

gary.loewen@sunmedia.ca


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