September 26, 2009
No more Tomas the Tank for Leafs
By GARY LOEWEN
You have to like Ron Wilson’s candour.
The Maple Leafs coach acknowledged yesterday that he has noticed a difference this year in defenceman Tomas Kaberle.
So, what’s the skinny, coach?
“This training camp he’s not fat. Last year he was. So there it is in a nutshell.”
And a fat lot of good Kaberle did last season for the Leafs, too.
We don’t know what Kaberle weighs, exactly, as the Leafs list him, year after year, at 6-foot-1, 198 pounds.
But scratch those plans to put the Kaberle Kolbasa on the menu at Burkie's Dog House.
Wilson said the 31-year-old would be the first to admit he had to get into better shape.
“He has something like 8.3 body fat. It was almost twice that last year. It makes a huge difference on how he moves on the ice and how he’s going to compete this year.”
And not just at the post-game spread.
Surely, Buffalo Bills fans from both sides of the Peace Bridge will feel the love tomorrow at Ralph Wilson Stadium.
In the meantime, here is another batch of e-mails about which country has the rowdiest imbibers at sports events:
a) “Canucks are the biggest drunks around.”
b) “Give the Bills some credit. They now have overwhelming security numbers ... just looking for an excuse to throw out anybody who even appears to be wobbly or obnoxious. The Buffalo News prints the names and offences of people arrested at the stadium and the surrounding area. Canadian fans make up 10-15% of the total crowd, yet they usually show up as at least 50% of the arrests recorded. We have our faults but your fellow countrymen can also do a stellar job making asses of themselves at Bills and Sabres games.”
c) “Ninety-five percent of Bills fans love the support we get north of the border.”
d) “I can’t count how many times a classless Canadian (aka Leafs fan) has been breathing his government-run health-care rotten breath all over me at Sabres games. I’m proud of the fact I personally knocked out three of them during my younger days.”
e) “I’ve spent some time in Toronto — they have been known to hoist a beer or two but are definitely smart enough to catch a cab.”
f) “Do us a favor and stick to the Argos and the CFL where you don’t have to deal with unruly tailgaters.”
“As a young boy, I learned to play hockey in Southern Ontario, and I know what great fans they have there,” out-going coach Wayne Gretzky said in a statement.
“It’s my hope they, too, will have an NHL franchise in the not too distant future.”
Hey, wait a minute, is that not a shot at the Maple Leafs?
Rules of golf
As the PGA Tour season all but wraps up, here’s a classic joke.
A sign posted at a golf course in Scotland:
I) Back straight, knees bent, feet shoulder-width apart;
2) Form a loose grip;
3) Keep your head down;
4) Avoid a quick backswing;
5) Stay out of the water;
6) Try not to hit anyone;
7) If you are taking too long, let others go ahead of you;
8) Don’t stand directly in front of others;
9) Quiet, please, while others are preparing;
10) Don’t take extra strokes.
Well done ... now flush the urinal, go outside and tee off.