Cynthia Phaneuf was all of sweet 16 when she became the toast of the Canadian figure skating world.
That was in 2004, when she won the national championship. Two years later, her world collapsed. She was just ... well, toast.
"I lost my enthusiasm, I lost everything. I lost my spirit," says Phaneuf, now 21, and in Toronto recently for a workshop with the national team as it prepares for the 2010 Olympics.
Many, including Phaneuf, did not always believe that she would ever revive her Olympic dreams. She didn't compete in 2006. First, there was the stress fracture in her ankle. That led to a knee injury. Then came a growth spurt during which she blossomed from a whirling-dirvish Barbie doll into a lithe, lovely and engaging woman.
Duckling to swan. Looks good in the mirror. Not so good, it turned out, on the ice. Suddenly, she had legs that got in her way, arms that flailed and a body that she barely recognized.
"If you're skating and growing at the same time it's not so bad," she says. "But with the injuries, I was off for six months. And when I came back, I had a different body. I grew up so fast."
Simple routines left her brushing ice chips off her butt while her rival, Joannie Rochette, piled up Canadian championships, including her fifth in a row this year.
"When everything was going wrong, I started thinking my career was over, that skating for me was just too difficult," she says, a melodious Quebecois lilt in her voice. "I'd go to the rink and I'd hear people talking about me because I wasn't able to do the jumps anymore. It was the worst feeling of my life."
Phaneuf has been carving pictures on the ice since she was four. It has been her life and everything else has revolved around the rink, the training, the exhilaration of competition.
"Some people say: 'How can you go to the same gym every day? The practising is always the same. Doesn't it get boring?' " she says. "But to me, it is where I want to be."
So, to quit was an unthinkable option. Instead, she started over -- a phoenix burnt out, then reborn one baby step at a time.
"I just went back to the beginning, thinking again about everything I was doing," she says. "Really, I had to start all over again. It started going well when I realized I had to start over with a double axel when I knew a year before I was pulling off triples."
There was a fourth place at the nationals in 2007 on the road back. A seventh at the Four Continents the next year. Slowly, the fire within was being relit.
"I had to learn a lot of things not just about skating but about myself," says Phaneuf. "Now, when I have bad days, it doesn't get me down so much because I know I've come through worse things. I'm more able to take things calmly."
Any lingering doubt that she is back and living large on Canada's figure skating horizon were dispelled this past winter -- at least in her own mind. In what she calls a watershed season, Phaneuf finished second at the nationals (placing first in the short program) and was a competitive fifth at the Four Continents event.
"When I won (nationals) the first time, it all came very quickly," she says. "This time, I've had to build myself back up from nothing to get back on the world scene.
MEETING
"If I hadn't been able to do this ... if I didn't have the dream back of going to the Olympics, I probably wouldn't be here. Maybe I'd still be skating but not (competitively)."
Here was a meeting of the national team. It included former Olympians who told their stories; one of which Phaneuf related to more than any other. Skier Brian Stemmle, a four-time Olympian, showed video of his race in Nagano -- where he fell just metres from the finish of what appeared would be a podium finish.
"He was on the last turn and he was disqualified. It was over," Phaneuf says. "You wanted him to go back up the mountain and have another chance but that was it ... he never went back to the Olympics. When he was speaking, I got goose bumps. It makes you realize you only have the Olympic dream maybe once in your life. You may never get another chance."
NO PRETENCE
Vancouver may be Phaneuf's first, her last, her only chance. There is no pretence from her, as there is from some athletes, that the Olympics are just another event on a long calendar.
"The Olympics is not the same as any other competition," she points out. "A lot of people say it's just like any other event, you go on the ice and skate. That's all. But that's not true. It is special."
The dream, of course, is to stand on the podium in Vancouver. The reality is she will find satisfaction, if not glory, if she skates off the ice having given the best performance she is capable of. Her own perfect skate. It can happen. She's already done it once.
"It was at Four Continents in 2004," she recalls. "I was ninth after the short program. I told my parents: 'I'm doing a great program tonight.' And, I didn't miss a thing, not a hand down, not a step out. I finished second overall but I won the long and I knew I couldn't have skated any better."
Phaneuf already has re-invented herself. All that remains now is to recreate that one perfect performance, that one perfect day, that one perfect ending.
"When I perform and see people look at me, I can see they are feeling the same way that I feel on the ice," she says. "You're in a zone. There's an energy. The feeling I get when I finish skating and look into the crowd, when I've skated well, nothing else makes me feel like that. It is so good."
BILL.LANKHOF@SUNMEDIA.CA
