CALGARY — Oh, the tragic irony of Saskatchewanians having their heart ripped out by a math problem.
While it may be a long time before our good-natured neighbours find any hint of humour in their gut-wrenching 28-27 loss to Montreal Sunday, it’s fair to say some of Canada’s more impartial observers are already having a little fun with it.
Take, for example, the guy in northeast Calgary who wandered into a donut shop and figured he was the next Chris Rock by ordering a “Saskatchewan dozen” instead of a baker’s dozen. Glazed of course.
OK, so it didn’t really happen.
But the point is, losing a championship game by failing to count properly – or forgetting to count at all – is so cruel and unusual it begs for a little levity.
Or, at the very least, a little tutoring.
So, in an attempt to educate while also wrapping up a brilliant Grey Cup game and celebration, let’s all count to 13 together:
One enduring image from the Grey Cup parade was a green-clad gentleman whose jersey and matching sign proved to be far more prophetic than he ever thought possible: “The 13th man is your worst nightmare,” it read.
Little did he know he was speaking to his own brethren.
Two second-half interceptions by Darian Durant that not only marred an otherwise impressive outing by Saskatchewan’s first-year starter, but allowed the Alouettes to mount their improbable comeback.
Three seconds of celebration before most Roughriders players and fans became aware Damon Duval’s failed field goal attempt to win the game would result in a do-over after officials counted 13 men wearing green on the field.
Four decades before you’ll see a finish that wacky.
Five times Anthony Calvillo previously had his heart ripped out in a Grey Cup, prompting him to comfort Roughriders fans afterwards by assuring them, “I’ve been there.”
Six percent of all Riders fans who somehow forget: a) it’s just a game, b) it’s all in good fun, c) Pil is not medicinal.
Seven Calgary cabs apparently on duty through the weekend to transport 20,000 Grey Cup revelers from the downtown core.
Eight catches by Montreal’s Jamal Richardson, the game’s unsung hero with 133 yards receiving.
Nine misses in 67 field goal attempts (86.5%) all year before Duval pushed wide what originally appeared to be the most important kick of the year with no time left. Nine is also the number of Grey Cup touchdowns thrown by Calvillo, which established a CFL record when he hit Ben Cahoon with 1:45 left.
Ten times as many Roughriders fans as Alouettes fans at the game, adding just enough red to turn the stands into what looked like a booze-soaked Christmas tree. It also helped make the 2009 party one of the best Grey Cup celebrations of all time.
Eleven lame one-liners in the e-mail circulating about the other sporting oddity over the weekend involving Tiger Woods’ wayward drive. It includes “perhaps he should have used a driver,” and “that’s the first time Tiger has failed to drive 300 yards.” (Note; neither is acceptable at Christmas parties or the office.)
Twelve is a perfect number for donuts, eggs, golf balls and number of players required to win the Grey Cup.
Thirteen players on the field at McMahon Stadium when one of the greatest moments in Riders history was turned into one of the saddest and most embarrassing finishes in sports lore.
Coincidentally, it’s also the number of Regina residents who immediately became eligible to have their front lawns fertilized by caring fans.
Very good team. Now, was that so hard?
