Chicago's three wise men

STEVE BUFFERY, QMI Agency

, Last Updated: 12:17 AM ET

“While Major League Baseball has more than a few issues that need addressing, somewhere in that list should be getting a team out of Canada.” Chicago Sun-Times reporter Joe Cowley, who once referred to Canada as a third-world country and refused to stand for the Canadian anthem.

“Who gives a f---. Who gives a f---. F--- you!” Former Blue Jays outfielder and model helicopter ace Alex Rios, after brushing off a young Jays fan and being called a bum.

Lucky kid

“That kid is lucky it wasn’t Ozzie. I would beat the (bleep) out of him and the guys. (I’d) be in jail right now.” Chicago White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen, when shown a video of Rios and the kid.

Mensa candidates they ain’t.

Can you imagine a three-way conversation among Cowley, Guillen and Rios, say, on the White Sox’s charter airplane, Air Force Dumb. It might go something like this:

JC: “Ozzie, is it time Major League Baseball moved the Blue Jays out of Canada?”

OG: “I’ll beat the (bleep) out of Major League Baseball.”

JC: “What do you think, Alex?”

AR: “Who gives a f---?”

JC: “Ozzie, would you say Canada is a third-world country?”

OG: “I beat the (bleep) out of Canada.”

JC: “What about you Alex? Do you think Canada’s a third-world country?”

AR: “Who gives a f---?”

JC: “What do you have there, Alex?”

AR: “Who gives a f---?”

JC: “It looks like a toy helicopter.”

AR: “Who gives a f---?”

JC: “Are you going to fly that in the airplane?”

AR: “Who gives a f---?”

JC: “Uh, well, perhaps Federal Aviation Administration officials.”

Oh man, would that ever be a sweet conversation.

But you know, the most amazing part about the White Sox visit to Toronto last week wasn’t the latest anti-Canada angle spewed by Cowley, or the Blue Jays faithful booing Rios. It was the stunning realization that Guillen is still the manager of the White Sox.

Let’s put it this way. I’m beginning to understand why White Sox owner Jerry Reinsdorf wants to buy the Phoenix Coyotes.

Apparently Guillen is “beloved” by White Sox fans, I guess because he led them to a World Series and always shoots from the hip, where, apparently his brains are located.

Insensitive jerk

Indeed, he’s very entertaining and colourful. But he’s also an insensitive jerk and a bully with a track record of making offensive, hurtful remarks.

It absolutely amazes me, for instance, that he kept his job after telling Chicago Tribune writer Mark Gonzales last week that he would have beaten “the bleep” out of that kid who asked Rios for an autograph. Look up the Youtube video. The kid looked no more than 12 years old.

You have the manager of a Major League Baseball team saying he would have beaten up a kid.

And he still has a job.

And that wasn’t a one-off deal. Guillen’s list of outrageous statements is substantial.

In 2006, for instance, he launched into a tirade against Chicago Sun-Times columnist Jay Mariotti, who had the audacity to question Guillen’s handling of a Sox pitcher.

“What a piece of (expletive) he is, (expletive) f--,” Guillen said of Mariotti.

Guillen has gone after players, umpires and fellow managers, including former Texas Rangers skipper Buck Showalter.

Apparently Guillen didn’t appreciate the fact that Showalter used his reliever John Wetteland as the first base coach during a game against the Sox in 2004.

“(Showalter) never even smelled a jock in the big leagues,” Guillen ranted. “Mr. Baseball never even got a hit in triple-A. I was a better player than him, I have more money than him and I’m better looking than him.”

Tirade

The interesting part of that tirade was, Guillen did not then threaten to take his ball and glove and go home.

Guillen once said of umpire Phil Cuzzi: “I just let him know I don’t like him the first day I see him.”

What a well-adjusted human being. And yet, he’s still the White Sox manager.

As for Cowley, well, his assertion that the Jays should leave Canada because attendance is poor ... it should be noted that the Sox, after meeting the Jays, travelled to Cleveland on the weekend. The Indians are dead-last in attendance in the major leagues. And yet, Cowley has yet to write a piece demanding that the Tribe be moved. Then again, maybe it’s in the can.

But the good news is, the White Sox have a 4-9 record and are last in the AL Central. And, Guillen hasn’t beaten up any kids.

steve.buffery@sunmedia.ca


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