It's not at all easy being catcher Chris Coste these days.
Oh, hanging with friends and achieving success in the common goal is nice, even though with an oh-for-3 performance he didn't much contribute to yesterday's 4-3 victory over the Scranton/Wilkes-Barre Yankees that marked the Lynx' sixth win in seven games.
And seeing a few more people at the ballpark was somewhat refreshing, too, as 3,077 turned out for Kids Opening Day at Lynx Stadium.
But he was still in Ottawa, still in Triple-A ... and he still had to answer questions about a major disappointment in his life that, two weeks after the fact, still makes his eyes water.
Questions about a dream that turned into his nightmare. About reality, and how cruel his business can be.
"When I'm actually out on the field, it all goes away," said Coste, sitting on a couch in the Lynx clubhouse, a post-game taco on a plate on his lap.
"But the other times ... when I turn on a TV, when I'm watching a game ... then I think about it.
"It's been tough, and I guess it's kind of showing."
Only in that he's managed three singles and four doubles in 35 at-bats since his April 8 demotion to Ottawa. Only that he's hitting .200, or 15 points below his weight. Only by the look on his face.
While manager John Russell says Coste is a quality individual, a great guy and a positive influence, Coste admits the emotions bubbling inside of him when he thinks about being sent down by the big team range from sadness to frustration to anger to confusion to "you name it."
It's easy to understand why.
Last year, after batting .463 in spring training yet failing to crack the Phillies roster, Coste returned to Scranton and said he felt like he had to get "five hits a game" or he would "fall off the map." With that mindset, his batting average dipped to .170 in May.
As fate would have it, he didn't have to wait long before getting the call he had worked for all his life.
At 33 years of age, he was finally going to the Bigs. Coste made the most of the chance, too. He batted .325 in 65 games. He hit .356 with runners in scoring position. And Coste became a fan favourite at Citizens Bank Park in Philadelphia, to boot.
Much the same way journeyman catcher Sal Fassano was cheered on by "Sal's Pals" and pitcher Randy Wolf had his "Wolf Pack", the cult-like following that celebrated his every appearance called itself "The Coste Guard."
"It was awesome ... I was doing well and they were paying attention," Coste said. "Some times Philly gets a bad rap, but I can't imagine being with another team in the Bigs. It seems I was made to play in Philly ... I just wish the decision-makers thought so."
They did not. With veteran Mike Lieberthal moving on to the Dodgers, the Phillies swooped in and lifted free agent Rod Barajas right from under the nose of the Blue Jays. They also signed Jayson Werth, a former Dodgers outfielder who was originally drafted as a catcher. He would be their backup to the backup.
Coste? He would go back down to the minors.
On his website, Coste thanks the many fans who have supported him in this demoralizing time.
"Ottawa itself is a fantastic city," he writes. "However, the baseball atmosphere and facilities leave something to be desired."
He admitted yesterday to having a very sour taste in his mouth, and it wasn't from the taco.
"I feel the only way I can get back now is through injury, and that's a horrible situation," said Coste, who with the Lynx has played primarily first base -- a job that is in the very good hands of Ryan Howard in Philadelphia. "You never wish injury on anybody.
"I'm perpetually one of the happiest, most easy-going guys around, too, but yeah, now I am bitter.
"In baseball, there's only a small window of time. I'm 34, I don't have a lot of time left.
"If I was independently wealthy, I wouldn't be sitting here. I'd be with my family. If I had a son, I'd have a hard time pushing him into baseball. This just makes everything so sour."
