Woe to be a Royals fan

ADAM WAZNY -- Winnipeg Sun

, Last Updated: 8:53 AM ET

To be a Kansas City Royals fan must be awesome.

Awesome in the same context as being a passenger on the Titanic, knowing that you would soon be a part of the most famous boat-sinking in history.

Cool -- like that watery grave you're about to be submerged into.

Yeah, cheering for a chilly 12-37 club (heading into last night's action) and watching the other AL Central Division teams quickly distance themselves from your beloved Royals sounds like a blast.

Here's more fun stuff: The numbers.

Coming into this week, the Royals were dead last in the AL in pitching with a crippling 6.31 team ERA and at the plate, the team that George Brett made famous has also been more pauper than prince.

Last in the AL in home runs with 38 (the AL average is 56) and in RBI with 179 (235), the Royals aren't getting enough runs in to equal their batting practice pitching corps.

Hard to figure out why they've lost 15 of their last 17 and are 22 games back of the division leaders.

Good times.

But it's not like there isn't anything to cheer about. They have some BIG name players.

Doug Mientkiewicz, Mark Grudzielanek, and Tony Graffanino...

What did you think when we said 'big name' guys?

Things are so bad in Kansas City these days that fans aren't even buying what the team is selling anymore.

In fact, they've gone into business for themselves.

Earlier this month, someone named Chad Carroll auctioned off his Royals loyalty on eBay, flipping his 25 years worth of loyalty and Royals memorabilia for $278.47.

As expected, selling his allegiance was pure euphoria.

"It really does feel like a big weight has been lifted," the 34-year-old told The Kansas City Star. "I really can't tell you how good it feels."

An interesting sidebar to this story involves the Northern League, whose Kansas City T-Bones put in a call for Carroll's affection but were out-bid at the last minute by a group of his friends, who wanted to save him from more K.C. baseball misery.

That's what friends are for.

"Yeah, we're in last place, too, so boy oh boy," T-Bones manager 'Dirty' Al Gallagher said, shaking his head at his club's 3-8 start (prior to last night's game with Winnipeg) and at the plight of all Kansas City diamond aficionados.

"I look at it this way, we're the best minor league team in Kansas City and they're the best major league team in Kansas City."

Seems 'Dirty' Al is choosing to wear his rose-coloured glasses over his usual dirty, tinted ones.

But as we mentioned off the top, the Royals are historically inept. Rather 1962 New York Mets-like. Kansas City has four road wins and are on pace for just 40 victories this season.

Or 122 losses, which will be the third year in a row of century defeats for the franchise.

That's awesomely bad.


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