The Red Sox are four wins from their first World Series championship in 86 years. What happens next? I dunno, but in unrelated news next week's weather forecast calls for gray skies with a risk of frost in the lower lying areas of hell. So, you figure it out.
HAMS AND OTHER FOOD STIFFS
Pro athletes can live without winning. The one thing they cannot live without is free stuff.
Which brings us to the Raptors, winless in three against their NBA cousins and, this is the worst, shut out at the buffet table.
There was much dismay this week when no food presented itself in the dressing room or on the team bus following a game in London, Ont.
So, let's see, we've got a couple dozen grown men with a combined annual income equal to the gross national product of several third world countries, but they can't figure out how to buy a Whopper?
Right. And these are the guys who are going to lead us to the promised land, otherwise known as an NBA championship -- or, at least, a playoff spot?
Then there was that other outrage; the one where the team took away Vince Carter's mom's parking space. Nobody knows why, but maybe general manager Rob Babcock is trading it -- you know, in that package deal along with a player to be named later.
FC Wijtschale, a Belgian soccer team, has conceded 58 goals in two games. The team lost 28-0 to Zillebeke last weekend. The week before, it gave up 30 goals. Local newspaper Het Laatste Nieuws calculated that the team lets in a goal on average every three minutes and six seconds.
I think we just figured out what Aki Berg and Tomas Kaberle are really doing with all their free time.
Fifty masked Croatians invaded a Dinamo Zagreb practice and took the players' jerseys, claiming they weren't worthy of representing the team.
Just one more good reason why it is a good idea for the Raptors to hold practices behind locked doors.
DOG IS POO-POOED
There will be no more dogs allowed at Plymouth Argyle soccer matches in England. Local health officials have banned Jake the terrier -- who can do 20 soccer headers in a row -- from performing any more halftime tricks.
"We thought Jake would be great entertainment," team spokesman Rick Cowdery told The Sun of London, "but there were concerns he might do what all dogs do on grass and pose a risk to players."
Do not despair. Jake would be a natural at FC Wijtschale, considering they already seem to be a home for lots of other soccer-playing dogs. Still checking ...
THE SMALL CHANGE
Carmelo Anthony's attorney says the marijuana discovered in the player's backpack at Denver Airport belonged to a friend who borrowed the backpack and who will come forward to set the record straight. Uh-uh. And, I bet Carmelo's dog ate his homework, more than once, too ... Ontario Colleges women's fastball championship began yesterday and continues today (10 a.m.-6 p.m.) at Seneca College. Durham Lords, who had a 12-0 season while allowing just three runs, are the two-time defending champions. The tournament also includes Mohawk College, Seneca and Windsor's St. Clair College ... Our vote for Greatest Canadian? Rocky and Bullwinkle. Think about it. Loyal, trustworthy, honest, slightly naive, completely asexual -- but mostly for an ability to wear a tuque without looking completely ridiculous and making people spit up their Tim Hortons through their noses. It doesn't get more Canadian then that.
Jim Armstrong, Denver Post: "A random perusal of Sunday's Black Hole crowd produced jerseys bearing the names Lamonica, Plunkett, Matuszak, Long and Hayes. It's all part of the Raiders' youth movement."